Really not fun trying to be strong when your broken inside
I left out something before I get to my birthday party, I thought I would mention. The next day after mom died I was talking to my partner which he called me every day while I was there since I used skype it didn't cost us any money or very little. While I was on the phone with him a humming bird flew right in front of my face and just stayed there flapping its wings very fast as they do, while talking I said there is a humming bird just staring at me. Then it was gone. After that I had mentioned it to my brother and kids each of them also had a experience with a humming bird in different parts of the country with a humming bird. My mom loved humming birds and had a feeder out every year for them.
Its hard to party when you just feel broken on the inside I tried very hard to feel half way normal, my sister in law went through a lot of trouble putting it together, we invited my close friends and close family, one of my granddaughters was there so I left her in charge of taking pictures with my camera. She was very good at it and if it hadn't been for her I wouldn't have gotten any pictures at all. My brother in law came but sister says she was sick again so she did not make it. By this point I was use to her so called sickness it hurt she couldn't make the effort but what can you do? The whole day went very well even though all I wanted to do is go to bed. My partner and me has the same month birthday matter of fact he is 6 days older than me. He called me on the day and got to see everyone sing happy birthday to me which he sang along and blew out the candles on my cake. We both turned 60 that year, since we have been together we have never been away from each other that long or spent our birthdays apart. Bitter sweet. All in all I made the best of it and we had a good time. Before mom died she gave me some money to get me something for my birthday when I was going shopping one day for groceries and odd and ends she wanted me to pick up. So I bought a well needed billfold and showed her what I had bought. The days after I helped my brother plant a tree in his yard that one of his wife's co workers had given to them in memory of mom. To be honest her when I said I helped I really supervised and had suggestions. Will have to upload some pictures. I did have another chance to talk to my daughter about her relationship she listened but wasn't ready to make the step of leaving him again.
My friend which I have known for over 40 years decided she would have a cook out at her house, so my daughter, her boyfriend, and my two grandchildren, plus my friends grown up children where there. Even before my brother and I arrived my daughter boyfriend was already drunk, he can get pretty mean when he is that way. I have never really seen him sober since I have met him. As the night grew on he got drunker and finally ended leaving the party running to the car. But before that I did get to spend some good times with my daughter, grandkids and good friend for some quality time which is what I needed but still felt I wanted to just be in bed. After that things seems to happen fast and I was on my way back home to Ireland.
The flight from Louisville to Newark was uneventful which was nice for a change. Then got on the plane (united) the pilot was backing out to taxi then all the power went out on the plane. The pilot came on the intercom about 5 mins. later and said they were experiencing some problems and having the maintenance crew to take a look. We sit on the plane for over 2 hours. The pilot comes on and said we were ready for take off then proceeded to back the plane onto the runway, never mentioned whether the problem was fixed, so as we get up to 20,000 feet the pilot comes on the intercom again and says we have had contact with the tower and everything is ok. Kind of made me wonder whether they did know for sure everything was fixed until they got to to that height...Needless to say I ordered two beers and took a xanax I know your not suppose to mix the two well I had taken the xanax earlier when we sitting in the plane waiting for it to be fixed so I thought what the heck enough time had passed for the 2 beers. It did take the edge off my fear of flying. We did have the easiest landing that I have ever experienced when we landed in Ireland. While coming to America I sit next to two Irish people one living there in New York the other going over to visit her American boyfriend. They both helped me with me being anxious over flying. The girl and me talked most of the time the guy kind of slept during the whole flight. Anyway ordered the girl a beer since she had been so kind to me and listening to all my gab. afterwards the flight attendant came up to us and was talking then ask what we were drinking we told her and she came back with 2 more beers that she said were on her. On the way home it was pretty much me even though I had people all around they weren't as friendly. Mostly Americans taking a holiday to Ireland and all into being excited about their trip. Tried to get into a conversation with one of them that was sitting beside me finally got the hint she didn't want to talk to me when she turned around and started talking to her friends and only answered my questions and didn't add anything to the conversation. I am still friends on face book with the two Irish people that I flew with to America.
It was good to come home, but missed being back there with my daughter, son , grandchildren, brother, his wife and even my sister. Glad to be back to my biggest supporter and love of my life. Life goes on , doesn't it?
I went back to work soon after, I have been working in this nursing home for almost 4 years, not one of the management even gave me a card, they are not very nice people to work for all they care about is the money they get, have no respect for nurses at all even though the owner is a nurse. The nurse manager is another story she is on a power trip and she is not a very good clinical nurse to begin with, I have had a couple of run in with the people there. Seems like they want to put in a jab at you but when you ask them to explain all this in detail they can't do it. Pretty much they can give it out but when confronted they can't take it. My son and his then girlfriend came to visit me in December of that year only stayed 8 days but we made the best of those days was happy that he could make it over.
Its hard to party when you just feel broken on the inside I tried very hard to feel half way normal, my sister in law went through a lot of trouble putting it together, we invited my close friends and close family, one of my granddaughters was there so I left her in charge of taking pictures with my camera. She was very good at it and if it hadn't been for her I wouldn't have gotten any pictures at all. My brother in law came but sister says she was sick again so she did not make it. By this point I was use to her so called sickness it hurt she couldn't make the effort but what can you do? The whole day went very well even though all I wanted to do is go to bed. My partner and me has the same month birthday matter of fact he is 6 days older than me. He called me on the day and got to see everyone sing happy birthday to me which he sang along and blew out the candles on my cake. We both turned 60 that year, since we have been together we have never been away from each other that long or spent our birthdays apart. Bitter sweet. All in all I made the best of it and we had a good time. Before mom died she gave me some money to get me something for my birthday when I was going shopping one day for groceries and odd and ends she wanted me to pick up. So I bought a well needed billfold and showed her what I had bought. The days after I helped my brother plant a tree in his yard that one of his wife's co workers had given to them in memory of mom. To be honest her when I said I helped I really supervised and had suggestions. Will have to upload some pictures. I did have another chance to talk to my daughter about her relationship she listened but wasn't ready to make the step of leaving him again.
My friend which I have known for over 40 years decided she would have a cook out at her house, so my daughter, her boyfriend, and my two grandchildren, plus my friends grown up children where there. Even before my brother and I arrived my daughter boyfriend was already drunk, he can get pretty mean when he is that way. I have never really seen him sober since I have met him. As the night grew on he got drunker and finally ended leaving the party running to the car. But before that I did get to spend some good times with my daughter, grandkids and good friend for some quality time which is what I needed but still felt I wanted to just be in bed. After that things seems to happen fast and I was on my way back home to Ireland.
The flight from Louisville to Newark was uneventful which was nice for a change. Then got on the plane (united) the pilot was backing out to taxi then all the power went out on the plane. The pilot came on the intercom about 5 mins. later and said they were experiencing some problems and having the maintenance crew to take a look. We sit on the plane for over 2 hours. The pilot comes on and said we were ready for take off then proceeded to back the plane onto the runway, never mentioned whether the problem was fixed, so as we get up to 20,000 feet the pilot comes on the intercom again and says we have had contact with the tower and everything is ok. Kind of made me wonder whether they did know for sure everything was fixed until they got to to that height...Needless to say I ordered two beers and took a xanax I know your not suppose to mix the two well I had taken the xanax earlier when we sitting in the plane waiting for it to be fixed so I thought what the heck enough time had passed for the 2 beers. It did take the edge off my fear of flying. We did have the easiest landing that I have ever experienced when we landed in Ireland. While coming to America I sit next to two Irish people one living there in New York the other going over to visit her American boyfriend. They both helped me with me being anxious over flying. The girl and me talked most of the time the guy kind of slept during the whole flight. Anyway ordered the girl a beer since she had been so kind to me and listening to all my gab. afterwards the flight attendant came up to us and was talking then ask what we were drinking we told her and she came back with 2 more beers that she said were on her. On the way home it was pretty much me even though I had people all around they weren't as friendly. Mostly Americans taking a holiday to Ireland and all into being excited about their trip. Tried to get into a conversation with one of them that was sitting beside me finally got the hint she didn't want to talk to me when she turned around and started talking to her friends and only answered my questions and didn't add anything to the conversation. I am still friends on face book with the two Irish people that I flew with to America.
It was good to come home, but missed being back there with my daughter, son , grandchildren, brother, his wife and even my sister. Glad to be back to my biggest supporter and love of my life. Life goes on , doesn't it?
I went back to work soon after, I have been working in this nursing home for almost 4 years, not one of the management even gave me a card, they are not very nice people to work for all they care about is the money they get, have no respect for nurses at all even though the owner is a nurse. The nurse manager is another story she is on a power trip and she is not a very good clinical nurse to begin with, I have had a couple of run in with the people there. Seems like they want to put in a jab at you but when you ask them to explain all this in detail they can't do it. Pretty much they can give it out but when confronted they can't take it. My son and his then girlfriend came to visit me in December of that year only stayed 8 days but we made the best of those days was happy that he could make it over.
Replies
so glad your trip back was uneventful.... all went ok.. love ya!
It certainly does help to have travel companions who engage in conversation with you. I have been blessed in this way most of the time I flew too. I think all of us keep a shadow of loss with us, and those with multiple losses, well - you know...