Really having a hard time
I took a prn and just feel incapable.
i wrote this last night to a friend.
oh my clever thoughts, if only i could take care of my life. Maybe some at times we all feel that panic and fear?
God help, when I have too much I have gone crazy, when I have had too little I've been suicidal.
This is what I wrote:
I heard Scott Hamilton, the ice skater, say that as soon as you become famous and are getting everything you want, it’s really fast that you start becoming in touch with your dark side. He said you really have to watch it, and that comes from his experience. I’ve had the impulse to be self policing a great deal in my life. I guess I just started to extrapolate this on a societal level. Too much permission on a social level creates darkness or corruption? Trump certainly wants to ‘play president’ but not at all at being president. Too much permission for him.
Replies
I hope you are telling all, or most, if this to your therapist, so they can make notes and help you see the Big Picture that is You.
It's strange, isn't it, that we get overwhelmed in crowds or public events and need time to ourselves,
But when we Get alone, our own thoughts cause just as many problems.
Thanks Mary Anne.
You don’t have to live perfectly!
Live it up and I appreciate what you all are dealing with and I put that appreciation on me too
I’m starting to be present rather than live in my head at the ready to not miss the mark. Christianity can be mean.
I’m realizing i can’t take who i am personally. I have to accept that i can’t do everything. I’m good at somethings.
Big hug, Mark. Incapable is only a feeling, and certainly not a definition of who you are. You are good at a lot of things. None of us can do everything, and we all have strengths, weaknesses, bright sides, and dark sides. We all feel panic and fear at times. Life can be scary! You are definitely not alone.
You sometimes speak about yourself as though you’re less than or inadequate, but from my vantage point, that just isn’t true. You are amazing! You don’t have to constantly police yourself, anticipate every possible mistake, or worry about falling short, because it's going to happen. No matter how hard you try, you're going to fail sometimes, because you're human. And it's OK to be human!
I get in my head, too, and can be really hard on myself when I feel like I’m not good enough. For me, it’s often the old tape of my mom playing in my head. I sometimes stop and ask myself, “Whose voice is this?" Maybe that's a useful question for you, too?
I hope you feel better soon! I'll say a prayer for you.