really hard to get distance on my feelings today
I was faced with some very raw feelings of my flaws and panic this morning. behind the iconostasis.
My feelings were drawing conclusions from the mistakes I was making
and the emotional input I read on people's faces. It was saying my conclusions
were ALL REAL!
By some huge grace of god - I could tell myself one comment, a therapist made to me, that
"this too shall pass." And in that I knew somehow I had to get distance from these intense feelings
of weakness, ne'er do well and just awfully flawed. They were not me!
Slowly I kept moving in the service I was conducting - I just did what they told me to do -
Things were so emotional for me that at one point I fainted and fell down in the front of the altar (priest down!! lol)
I don't know why my legs just gave out - but I got up - and finished the job! :)
But today a friend was also talking about how dark feelings, if we don't get them out
and concentrate so much on them - they can lead us to say "we are the darkness!"
A total falsity!!
Anyway - 'twas a long day and I am pooped. I am going to watch tv after this - on my laptop
(I get one station lol) and then hopefully I'll rest and sleep in tomorrow morning.
Have a good night you guys!! i hope things are going well for you guys tonight!
xoxoxoxo
Replies
Here's to you, to balancing those in depth feelings that approach while you are in service. You can do this!
Thanks Mid!
Wow fainting must have been overwhelming sweetie
I'm so glad that you're okay and able to relax now
We all make mistakes Marky
Stop beating yourself up over learning curves!!!!!
I think God has a great sense of humour sweetie
Big squishy hug...xo
Mistakes are how we learn so be kind to yourself. You are a good person with a huge heart. It's not easy learning all that stuff. That's why I was never an altar boy, however, I was in the choir only because it was much easier and I didn't have to sing alone. There were many others singing the same song as I was so if I made a mistake, nobody would hear it over the other voices....
God Bless
Thanks Jan and Bob!!!
i don't believe it is so predictable as a single metaphor, but i agree with your friend on the high penalty of repressing/denying emotions.
buttttttaaaaa. . . an entry such as this one counts as facing and processing. well done. may tomorrow be a stronger day for it.
Sorry to hear you fainted!
I hope the relaxation did some good today.
Thanks Arfie and Nikki!!
Have you thought about what made you faint so maybe it won't happen again. You need to deal with those emotions. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself. God will help you through, just lean on Him.
Thanks Becky!! x