realization

I am trying to grieve for my husband and each day I get out of bed I have a knew pain. Went and had a check up taking the meds that the doctor gave me. It just seems like each day without my husband I just want it to go by quick. Realization I have done some serious screw ups since my husband passed and don't know how to deal with them. I talked to my sister last night we actually got along. I even talked to my step daughter and we got along. I guess I just think that I miss my husband so much that I put up barriers. I just mostly want to be alone and raise my animals.