Reality and clarity.
When it wasn't really love and just good chemistry...that realization has slapped me in the face with it's harsh truth. The blinders are off, the head dislodged from the ass, and this bitter pill is going down hard. I've done a lot of thinking, evaluating, and observing and I'm coming to terms with the fact that my affair partner never loved me, and truthfully, I don't think I "genuinely or sincerely" loved him either. All those awesome, out of this world chemical reactions had me so upside down. I pretty much blew my whole life apart for some very deceptive neurochemicals. Reality is a motherfucker.
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Welcome to the club. It happened to all of us.
Yep, and now I look and cannot believe how addicted I was. Never thought I could ever get that deep into such a mess as I did... you live and then hopefully you learn.
Even after 5 yrs.....anniversary of the being dumped Feb 16th, I sometimes still let my mind drift back to those moments of pure passion & what I thought was true love. Then I picture F & it hits me hard.....it's the feeling I miss, not the person. It all started when I was 53. You'd think I was old enough to know the difference. I'd even joke with him that we were just scratching an old itch (old friends who lost touch for 23 yrs). He'd say no, it's true love & we are going to be married some day. Now I'm going to go bang my head against the wall.
So glad that didn't work out.
AF partner was full of passion; it was a whirlwind of emotions with him and he kept me on my toes. I fell in love with the thrill of it all, the uncertainty, and the intensity of being with him. He was the token bad boy; sexy and riddled with trouble, but also exciting and a little mysterious. The sex was like nothing I'd ever experienced and the s.o.b. new just what cards to play to keep me around. I fell in love not with the person, but with this idea I had of him in my head, with the experiences he provided, but I felt nothing towards his soul. I thought it was love and he had me convinced. There was talk of a future, marriage, kids...but I knew deep down that none of that could or would ever come to fruition. My heart wanted to believe but my gut called bullshit.
And when they felt us pulling away, they'd introduce someone who was coming on to them.