RE joined the eating disorder group. Thurs Oct 22, 2015 11 a.m.

Well, i rejoined the eating disorder group, was on there a long time ago, and i have to say, yes i do have an eating disorder, i think the Gastritis is a side effect of my very poor to no diet. I am so afraid of gaining the weight back, like yesterday all i ate was nothing in morning or afternoon till 4 p.m. very bad, then i ate a turkey sand with lettuce and one hard shell taco bell taco, then didn't eat again, just cup o soup, till 1 or 2 a.m. ya got the insomnia real bad last night. Dont think i slept more than 3 hrs, waiting on med's and prob trying to detox from being low to out of my anxiety med's. Don't really want to raise the dosage, but i all-way's run out before it's time, own fault. Food is defiantly a big issue and a big part of my life, the worry of getting sick and inducing vomit. Found it get's bad when i am full, so i don't know how big my actual stomach is really. Ate popcorn last night for the first time in a long time, and my bowels moved really good, finally. makes sence in a way, my life is so out of control, food is one thing I can control. There is obviously something big missing in my life, a hole or void, and i alway's try to make other's happy, so i hate to claim it, but i really need to find a E/D/ counselor, still on waiting list. B.F. is coming out tonight and we are taking my car to drop off, then i am making van de camp's fish and macaroni, i don't eat cheese, clog's me up too much. The scail say's i lost more weight, but i don't see it in the mirror, have a morphed view of my body evedently. OK this is turning into a book, so i will try to have a food diary and a reg journal every day. This one is a little of both. Guess i was in denial, and the stigma, and i told my aunt, oh no, i love food, but it's a love/hate relationship for me. Washed my very so way too long hair yesterday, it takes so long and the hair everywhere. Need a haircut so bad. ok thanks for reading my book.  Many many very gentle hug's