Raw Feelings
At first I thought Iwas just feeling overwhelmed because I am sick with this cold. I have finally decided to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow.
I have been sick of a weekm but the raw feelings ,......It started last night. I could not get comfortable, breathe, sleep. I tossed and turned and cried. Finally at 5am, I fell asleep.
Today, I find myself missing you more than I have before. It will be 2 months tomorrow that I lost you, Jeff. Valentines Day. I put your picture on my facebook as my Valentine. No matter what this life throws at me.....If I can survive this pain and heartbreak, I will survive everything.
I have stayed in our bedroom most of this past week, trying to recoop. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on your side of the bed yet. I am using your pillow now, so I guess that is a baby step forward. I know you aren't on your side of the bed, but I'm afraid if I lay there, my mind will forget. I don't want to forget.
2 months.....on the 14th of every month, I will think of the day I lost you. And everyday in between. I keep asking myself on which one of those 14th days will I not feel the raw feelings of such hurt and devistation? On which one of those 14th days will my heart not feel like it has exploded with saddness? Will my tears be dried up and I will notice that my makeup hasn't run down my face that day?
It has only been 2 months. An eternity without the love of my life. If I can't have you back, then I am ready for the hurt to stop and the pain to go away. I am ready to smile again and see the colors that spring will bring and feel the warmth on my face that the sunshine will bring. But on this Valentines Day, I would give anything to have you back by my side, baby.
All my love, Love you the Most!
I have been sick of a weekm but the raw feelings ,......It started last night. I could not get comfortable, breathe, sleep. I tossed and turned and cried. Finally at 5am, I fell asleep.
Today, I find myself missing you more than I have before. It will be 2 months tomorrow that I lost you, Jeff. Valentines Day. I put your picture on my facebook as my Valentine. No matter what this life throws at me.....If I can survive this pain and heartbreak, I will survive everything.
I have stayed in our bedroom most of this past week, trying to recoop. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on your side of the bed yet. I am using your pillow now, so I guess that is a baby step forward. I know you aren't on your side of the bed, but I'm afraid if I lay there, my mind will forget. I don't want to forget.
2 months.....on the 14th of every month, I will think of the day I lost you. And everyday in between. I keep asking myself on which one of those 14th days will I not feel the raw feelings of such hurt and devistation? On which one of those 14th days will my heart not feel like it has exploded with saddness? Will my tears be dried up and I will notice that my makeup hasn't run down my face that day?
It has only been 2 months. An eternity without the love of my life. If I can't have you back, then I am ready for the hurt to stop and the pain to go away. I am ready to smile again and see the colors that spring will bring and feel the warmth on my face that the sunshine will bring. But on this Valentines Day, I would give anything to have you back by my side, baby.
All my love, Love you the Most!
Replies
My heart and hugs go out to you. Reading it reminds me of my sisters loss as he husband was a Jeff as well. We all never thought we could carry on dealing with the sudden loss....but she did and we all have. You never forget but the raw pain does fade. Hang in there and know that hugs and prayers are with you this 14th....May you feel God\'s arms carrying you...
My heart breaks for you as I read this, it breaks for all of us on this journey. I know the pain is fresh and raw. It is for me also, and I am 4 weeks ahead of you on this path. I pray for peace for both of us. Hang in there. Thinking of you and sending you hugs, Dawn
Beautifully written. We will miss them all the days of our lives. Hugs, Kip.
Liz, your journal was written with such love. The waves will continue but Jeff\'s love for you will never be forgotten because it is part of you and will always be there. You will smile again because you were loved so very much. We have all been where you are right now and even today, 5 months since Tim died, I still have very painful days (sometimes they turn in to a week). Valentine\'s Day has a new meaning for me now and that is to thank God for showing me that real love lasts forever. Blessings Carole