Raw Feelings
At first I thought Iwas just feeling overwhelmed because I am sick with this cold. I have finally decided to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow.
I have been sick of a weekm but the raw feelings ,......It started last night. I could not get comfortable, breathe, sleep. I tossed and turned and cried. Finally at 5am, I fell asleep.
Today, I find myself missing you more than I have before. It will be 2 months tomorrow that I lost you, Jeff. Valentines Day. I put your picture on my facebook as my Valentine. No matter what this life throws at me.....If I can survive this pain and heartbreak, I will survive everything.
I have stayed in our bedroom most of this past week, trying to recoop. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on your side of the bed yet. I am using your pillow now, so I guess that is a baby step forward. I know you aren't on your side of the bed, but I'm afraid if I lay there, my mind will forget. I don't want to forget.
2 months.....on the 14th of every month, I will think of the day I lost you. And everyday in between. I keep asking myself on which one of those 14th days will I not feel the raw feelings of such hurt and devistation? On which one of those 14th days will my heart not feel like it has exploded with saddness? Will my tears be dried up and I will notice that my makeup hasn't run down my face that day?
It has only been 2 months. An eternity without the love of my life. If I can't have you back, then I am ready for the hurt to stop and the pain to go away. I am ready to smile again and see the colors that spring will bring and feel the warmth on my face that the sunshine will bring. But on this Valentines Day, I would give anything to have you back by my side, baby.
All my love, Love you the Most!
I have been sick of a weekm but the raw feelings ,......It started last night. I could not get comfortable, breathe, sleep. I tossed and turned and cried. Finally at 5am, I fell asleep.
Today, I find myself missing you more than I have before. It will be 2 months tomorrow that I lost you, Jeff. Valentines Day. I put your picture on my facebook as my Valentine. No matter what this life throws at me.....If I can survive this pain and heartbreak, I will survive everything.
I have stayed in our bedroom most of this past week, trying to recoop. I still have not allowed myself to sleep on your side of the bed yet. I am using your pillow now, so I guess that is a baby step forward. I know you aren't on your side of the bed, but I'm afraid if I lay there, my mind will forget. I don't want to forget.
2 months.....on the 14th of every month, I will think of the day I lost you. And everyday in between. I keep asking myself on which one of those 14th days will I not feel the raw feelings of such hurt and devistation? On which one of those 14th days will my heart not feel like it has exploded with saddness? Will my tears be dried up and I will notice that my makeup hasn't run down my face that day?
It has only been 2 months. An eternity without the love of my life. If I can't have you back, then I am ready for the hurt to stop and the pain to go away. I am ready to smile again and see the colors that spring will bring and feel the warmth on my face that the sunshine will bring. But on this Valentines Day, I would give anything to have you back by my side, baby.
All my love, Love you the Most!
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