raw download - I need to get a therapist
having a miserable night. I had to serve with a priest I really don't like
tonight. I try to avoid him. He has no soul and I don't know why he is a priest.
He is very wealthy and he's really queenie and bitchy and treats people with such
disregard. He barely wants to get involved with the service - so I did much
of it - but he is in a superior role (he is a bishop) and it's like the people
in the parish have no value. He stoops to serve and then he wants to leave
as fast as he can. Anyways, I just had to bend to accomodate him and I started to go all
dark inside. I told myself 'we're all just people' - but I started to feel divorced
internally from any kind of say as to what I do or have in my life.
He really sucks.
I guess what this tells me is that "I am just people too" and "I get to bitch about things I don't like
and that take away my mojo." LOL - it's healthy and normal I guess.
Replies
most excellent bitch session, markus. i hope the venting achieved it's healing power.
i found myself wondering if you were talking about the silver spoon i married. i live for those moments of humility where he can tolerate any response other than, "sir, yes sir." i often wonder if i am seeing shades of buddha or thoreau in his humble moments. in between humble moments, i maintain proper social distances and patronize him like a commanding officer.
It sounds like being around him made you feel small and unseen....and that hurts, especially when you’re showing up with sincerity. I don’t think your reaction means you failed spiritually. I think it means you care about what’s sacred.
You didn’t lose your soul tonight. You felt the pain of temporarily forgetting where your authority actually comes from.
Also, yes...you’re allowed to bitch. Even saints complain about uncomfortable sandals.....:-)
I'm sorry you had to be around an energy vampire this AM, Mark. I hope that something fills your sails again soon, and you find a good therapist. Bobinmaine hit the nail on the head. It's because you care. Hugs.
Thanks Arfie, Bob and Susan.
I really appreciate it. Sending <3
I feel like I need to be political with him which sucks. I won’t let it change me.
I just hope that I will continue to be the man I hope to be though there are some
bad actors I come in contact with. I take joy in caring about my community
and consider it 'my watch' and job to do so. I am learning more and more
we all aren't on the same page - even here at the monastery - but at those moments
of disconnect - there are a whole slew of things that other person may be hoping
for and able to deal with, including just come from a different perspective.
Got to keep on keeping on. Last night I conducted service and a confession
as well. It is such an honor to conduct confession. People bring me the weight
and fears of their lives and worlds and I get to be there with them through that.
I’m also starting to want some of my own free time. Perhaps a mark of health? Every day here is scheduled usually. It’s starting to hit me that I want to make and can make my life my own
yup, i will second the notion that wanting some of your own free time is a mark of health. even more so the confidence that you want and can make a life of your own. take the reins and pass the popcorn, patéras akrída
it seems like every one of the various communities i love to serve has at least one royal jackass i wish i didn't have to deal with. i just keep my mask on and maintain proper social distances. jig me blind if i am going to give a royal jackass the power to ruin my day.
thanks arfie
Big hug Marky
I have had the same thing working with a surgeon
The obnoxious.....It is hard to be on the receiving end of that nonsense
Good for you for just getting on with the eve and I'm so glad that confession touches your heart
¹
It's a good thing that you're addressing your own needs and asking asking for what you want....xo
Thanks Jan!