Rants about nothing...I was bored, LOL!
I have decided to be my best! No matter what, I will keep trying to be my best!
At least that's what I tell my self. There is a part of me that knows that realistically, I d o have a genuinely good chance at living my dreams and being the best me I can most possibly be........but then there is another side of me that is worried..........what if I mess up...what if I'm not courageous enough...what if I fall short.........so many worries............[big sigh]............but I'll be fine. I have to be.
Right now, I really, really want a social life. I want great girl friends, great guy friends, and a wonderful significant other (that I will possibly marry). I want my dream guy to find me and come after me. I want romance and fun. As far as friends, putting myself out there is so hard. I still have a tendency to be a little introverted, but I really do try. Also, it's still hard for me to express my feelings.....so I come off as weird a lot.....I probably come off as annoying sometimes too.....that's a fear of mine.....being too annoying (not in a funny/bearable way, but negatively), being misunderstood, and getting hurt I think are my greatest social fears. Of course there may be others, but these are the ones that I am aware of.
But my dream is to be a straight A student, a great student (not just in grades, but morally and in study habits too), a great mentor, to have my dream boyfriend, to have a group of friends that I hang out with and talk on the phone with (and I can be myself with, even my confusing self, because they get me).....I want to be good in saving money.......build up a good resume, be a little more courageous (esp in music and performing)......and to be happy, and to LOSE WEIGHT (I want to be a size 10/11)!!!! I'm slowly getting there, but there are some areas that aren't showing much progress.......weight (but I'm working on that)..........and my love life.....I have talked to guys, but I have yet to go on a date.....I want a guy that goes to my school or just someone I've just met to see me in person and show interest. i want him to be my type......my dream guy....and I want him to ask me on a date. Even if I say I'm not sure, I want him to be patient, but still try to get to know me and stuff......[sigh].....but no matter how I type up the perfect scenario, that doesn't mean it'll happen anytime soon if at all....it would be beautiful if it did, but it doesn't mean it will...
I also dream of speaking Japanese and French fluently....even if I can't read and write well, I want to at least speak it fluently....but it's hard to learn on my own, without great tools, and without a way to practice..........maybe I should find a book store and buy a Japanese learning book....or maybe I can find one at home...........................
Ok, I'm tired of ranting, so I am about to get off. Ttyl. Goodnight (even though it's 2:35 am)
At least that's what I tell my self. There is a part of me that knows that realistically, I d o have a genuinely good chance at living my dreams and being the best me I can most possibly be........but then there is another side of me that is worried..........what if I mess up...what if I'm not courageous enough...what if I fall short.........so many worries............[big sigh]............but I'll be fine. I have to be.
Right now, I really, really want a social life. I want great girl friends, great guy friends, and a wonderful significant other (that I will possibly marry). I want my dream guy to find me and come after me. I want romance and fun. As far as friends, putting myself out there is so hard. I still have a tendency to be a little introverted, but I really do try. Also, it's still hard for me to express my feelings.....so I come off as weird a lot.....I probably come off as annoying sometimes too.....that's a fear of mine.....being too annoying (not in a funny/bearable way, but negatively), being misunderstood, and getting hurt I think are my greatest social fears. Of course there may be others, but these are the ones that I am aware of.
But my dream is to be a straight A student, a great student (not just in grades, but morally and in study habits too), a great mentor, to have my dream boyfriend, to have a group of friends that I hang out with and talk on the phone with (and I can be myself with, even my confusing self, because they get me).....I want to be good in saving money.......build up a good resume, be a little more courageous (esp in music and performing)......and to be happy, and to LOSE WEIGHT (I want to be a size 10/11)!!!! I'm slowly getting there, but there are some areas that aren't showing much progress.......weight (but I'm working on that)..........and my love life.....I have talked to guys, but I have yet to go on a date.....I want a guy that goes to my school or just someone I've just met to see me in person and show interest. i want him to be my type......my dream guy....and I want him to ask me on a date. Even if I say I'm not sure, I want him to be patient, but still try to get to know me and stuff......[sigh].....but no matter how I type up the perfect scenario, that doesn't mean it'll happen anytime soon if at all....it would be beautiful if it did, but it doesn't mean it will...
I also dream of speaking Japanese and French fluently....even if I can't read and write well, I want to at least speak it fluently....but it's hard to learn on my own, without great tools, and without a way to practice..........maybe I should find a book store and buy a Japanese learning book....or maybe I can find one at home...........................
Ok, I'm tired of ranting, so I am about to get off. Ttyl. Goodnight (even though it's 2:35 am)
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