Randomness
Dear DS diary,
* The side job I had as a Beachbody coach is no more...I gave that up last night. I never did find another mentor after the one I was assigned turned out to be someone I couldn't get along with, and I kept the getting the feeling that the training materials there were forcing me to act in a way that is clearly not me. The good thing about this is that it cuts my losses (only about $60), and I knew to get out when it became clear that I could not get people involved or trust the unknown enough to bring new people in (immarcie and mystie, please do not take this as me looking at you, because I'm not.)
* Speaking of trust, there is this weird thing going on with me and going out, although to be honest I am not surprised that it has shaken out so: If known friends are involved, it's easy. If anybody else is, they had better hope that something happened that day or the day before that has me flying like a kite, otherwise they're in for a difficult night.
* Case in point to that end: For all intents and purposes, I may as well be a vigilante. Remember when I said that my parents missed an obvious sign the other day that the kids aren't alright (on my end)? Last night, they paid for it dearly when they tried to drag me out to dinner: I made sure they regretted it, every step of the way, with spectacular results. I won't have to worry about going out to dinner with them anytime soon, and I am perfectly okay with that.
* The side job I had as a Beachbody coach is no more...I gave that up last night. I never did find another mentor after the one I was assigned turned out to be someone I couldn't get along with, and I kept the getting the feeling that the training materials there were forcing me to act in a way that is clearly not me. The good thing about this is that it cuts my losses (only about $60), and I knew to get out when it became clear that I could not get people involved or trust the unknown enough to bring new people in (immarcie and mystie, please do not take this as me looking at you, because I'm not.)
* Speaking of trust, there is this weird thing going on with me and going out, although to be honest I am not surprised that it has shaken out so: If known friends are involved, it's easy. If anybody else is, they had better hope that something happened that day or the day before that has me flying like a kite, otherwise they're in for a difficult night.
* Case in point to that end: For all intents and purposes, I may as well be a vigilante. Remember when I said that my parents missed an obvious sign the other day that the kids aren't alright (on my end)? Last night, they paid for it dearly when they tried to drag me out to dinner: I made sure they regretted it, every step of the way, with spectacular results. I won't have to worry about going out to dinner with them anytime soon, and I am perfectly okay with that.
Replies
I am kind of confused by your anger of late. Not to mention that it seems I rarely hear from you.
Its like you are going through a different stage of \"grief\" not and perhaps in a way that is what it is. Now almost it seems instead of being fearful and tiny about your feelings and hurt of the past, now you are getting angry and vengeful. Which in a way is a good thing I think it means you are finally starting to move forward. But in another way if you let it get out of control you could end up causing more hurt and damage.
I hope that that makes sense. I think tho as I said there is good in this once we get to the anger then later we can get to the forgiveness. If we stay in victim mode and never deal with the anger there is no hope of moving forward.
love and hugs to you
How often do you see your therapist? Are you working through your trust issues with your therapist? You can learn to trust certain people again. There is still hope for you.
Have you tried meditation? Would you consider reiki?
I\'m sorry I don\'t have any advise for you; this is something your therapist would be better able to help you with.