random I guess
I just do feel like rambling and could use some advice i guess. On a positive note, I started my job at new york and company today and it really helped me to have something else to focus on other than my anxiety. It distracted my mind enough where the recurring negative thoughts went away for a while. It kept me occupied but the problem is whenever I had a moment of downtime I kind of felt the anxiety peekin its head in. In the morning before work I was anxious and right when i left I was like smacked in the face with it. It is very annoying. I upped my dose of prozac to 20mgs. My doc says for anxiety the normal dose to help is like 40mgs but ive been sensitive to meds before (lexapro and celexa) and when I first started on the 10mgs I had horrible nausea and headaches and my anxiety got a lot worse. It subsided and then seemed to come back a bit for a few days I had a lot of panic attacks and i still feel anxious all day but the thoughts are a little better..now i been on the 20mgs for 2 days and I notice the same kind of side effects from when I started the 10..not so much nausea but my head gets this heat flash kinda and hurts a bit. Im also A LOT more anxoious and i notice the loop of negative thoughts come back now. I couldnt sleep last night. Im gonna take my xanex tonight..i tried to avoid it yesterday cause Im trying not to depend on it but I do need it! this is all just so annoying! i hope when the 20 kicks in it helps. If not im considering herbal treatment..Im just afraid to come off the prozac in general cause I think it did help in some way because before I took it I was like...reallll bad like depressed and could barely function. So i dont know! I may try the herbs along with the prozac...Then how do i know whats working tho? maybe if i do the herbs and see a huge difference and am almost sure its the herbs i can try to ween off the meds so i have some kind of backup instead of coming off them completely! I just dont know anymore! im so scared of meds to begin with and this crap doesnt help at all! I wish I could just not worry about anything anymore! i wish i could live life like a normal human being and not worry about "omg what happenss when you die" or "Why do we all have to die" all the time..normal people live their lives and accept things and cann think positive! I feel like its near impossible even tho its not. I just need like a smack in the face with a revealation or something!
Replies
Hang in there. I am rooting for you.
hugs.
Dylan
I can completely relate. Almost daily I wish desperately that I could just \'be like everyone else.\' That I didn\'t have to worry about all of these things that it seems most people can go through life accepting. Just know you are definitely not alone. You are being extremely brave starting a new job and trying new dosage- these are scary things that anyone would have significant anxiety about- so don\'t be too hard on yourself. You are getting through it one day at a time and you should be proud of that. Have confidence that you will slowly feel better and you will!
Thanks guys..and yeah the 20mgs really helped tremendously..I feel almost normal. Unfortunately last night I got the negative thoughts back a bit more..and today I was a bit more anxious than I\'ve been but still nothing compared 2 when my panic started. So ihopefor the best!
its good that you have a job! the more things that pull your mind away from all the negitivity, the better. I hope that the more you work, the less you stress & worry about things that are out of your control. You can\'t answer things like, why we all die & what happens. You have to move on from that, and I KNOW it\'s hard as all get out, but you have to draw a line somewhere. If that ever pops in to your mind, push it out, think about something else..think about your day or get a book or start writing, that is what i do. it\'s much easier said than done but you can train yur thoughts. I\'m here for you! I have been through that same thinking & it\'s hard as ever, but this too shall pass. I wish you well & I am keeping you in my prayers.
thank u so much, I do try to push the thoughts away and its been easier lately thank god