random I guess

I just do feel like rambling and could use some advice i guess. On a positive note, I started my job at new york and company today and it really helped me to have something else to focus on other than my anxiety. It distracted my mind enough where the recurring negative thoughts went away for a while. It kept me occupied but the problem is whenever I had a moment of downtime I kind of felt the anxiety peekin its head in. In the morning before work I was anxious and right when i left I was like smacked in the face with it. It is very annoying. I upped my dose of prozac to 20mgs. My doc says for anxiety the normal dose to help is like 40mgs but ive been sensitive to meds before (lexapro and celexa) and when I first started on the 10mgs I had horrible nausea and headaches and my anxiety got a lot worse. It subsided and then seemed to come back a bit for a few days I had a lot of panic attacks and i still feel anxious all day but the thoughts are a little better..now i been on the 20mgs for 2 days and I notice the same kind of side effects from when I started the 10..not so much nausea but my head gets this heat flash kinda and hurts a bit. Im also A LOT more anxoious and i notice the loop of negative thoughts come back now. I couldnt sleep last night. Im gonna take my xanex tonight..i tried to avoid it yesterday cause Im trying not to depend on it but I do need it! this is all just so annoying! i hope when the 20 kicks in it helps. If not im considering herbal treatment..Im just afraid to come off the prozac in general cause I think it did help in some way because before I took it I was like...reallll bad like depressed and could barely function. So i dont know! I may try the herbs along with the prozac...Then how do i know whats working tho? maybe if i do the herbs and see a huge difference and am almost sure its the herbs i can try to ween off the meds so i have some kind of backup instead of coming off them completely! I just dont know anymore! im so scared of meds to begin with and this crap doesnt help at all! I wish I could just not worry about anything anymore! i wish i could live life like a normal human being and not worry about "omg what happenss when you die" or "Why do we all have to die" all the time..normal people live their lives and accept things and cann think positive! I feel like its near impossible even tho its not. I just need like a smack in the face with a revealation or something!