rambling thoughts and wanting to smoke

So my mom is out paying outstanding bills that I have... which is kinda humiliating but at least I didn't have to go with her.  She didn't take her cell phone though so I can't find her.  I dunno... Anyway so I haven't smoked in 29 hours and it is killing me.  What a wimp I turned out to be with that.  We shall see how that goes.  I am really poor so I can't afford them, and I don't like how they make everything smell, or how my teeth feel, or the way my breath stinks...but it's a drug and I'm addicted to it.  Frustrating. So I have nothing useful to do for the next 2 1/2 hours which is a bad thing for me because I will probably just take a nap.  I could walk on the treadmill but I don't want to have to take another shower before I go to rehearsal later.  So lame I know but I'm not fully out of my slump and everything is still taking a lot of extra energy...also I want a damn cigarette!  Oops... See?  I can't even type a paragraph without wanting one.  Tapering down has never worked for me in the past, but I might have to use that method this time.  I dunno.  I don't think I was this hooked when I quit before either.  Ergh!!!!