rambling thoughts and wanting to smoke
So my mom is out paying outstanding bills that I have... which is kinda humiliating but at least I didn't have to go with her. She didn't take her cell phone though so I can't find her. I dunno... Anyway so I haven't smoked in 29 hours and it is killing me. What a wimp I turned out to be with that. We shall see how that goes. I am really poor so I can't afford them, and I don't like how they make everything smell, or how my teeth feel, or the way my breath stinks...but it's a drug and I'm addicted to it. Frustrating. So I have nothing useful to do for the next 2 1/2 hours which is a bad thing for me because I will probably just take a nap. I could walk on the treadmill but I don't want to have to take another shower before I go to rehearsal later. So lame I know but I'm not fully out of my slump and everything is still taking a lot of extra energy...also I want a damn cigarette! Oops... See? I can't even type a paragraph without wanting one. Tapering down has never worked for me in the past, but I might have to use that method this time. I dunno. I don't think I was this hooked when I quit before either. Ergh!!!!