rambling thoughts

I have been struggling with what to write or should I even write lately. I miss the old days when I had a really great group of support people on here. Much like my marriage, those days are over and it is just different now. I still have one amazing friend from then and am so thankful to have him in my life (Love you Snap)
I was home sick yesterday and even though I didn't feel well thought I should clean (nothing makes me feel better than a clean house).
Later in the day, I had time to just kind of laze around and was talking to a friend of my daughters about various things. Anyway, while sitting there, looking around, I realized that I really like my little condo. It is mine. I have done this. I made this safe haven for me and my children and nothing bad can happen to me there. Nobody can be mean to me anymore, nobody can cheat on me anymore, or control me. It was such an epiphany.
I have been hurting from the infidelity and deceipt and lies and control and meanness for so long that I really didn't know when I would ever be ok again. But I realized, I really am ok. It's different, but a good different. Some days I feel sad and seem to long for something and people wonder if it is for the marriage (no) or him (definitely not). Maybe it is the fact that I am unsure of my romantic future. I don't know.
I have a fantastic job, I work with great people who have become good friends. I go and do as I please now with nobody telling me I can't. My kids are the most amazing people ever and have walked every step with me. When they tell me that I am an inspiration it makes me sad but happy and strong at the same time.
I need to find out what the next step is, but no doubt, it will be exactly what I want!