ramblings

It's been a while since I've actually starved myself...but I can't take it anymore. I really don't know what to do. All I know is that I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what I let happen to myself........this morning, I was thinking, I would so much rather go back to being skinny and seeing myself as fat than to actually be fat. I hate it. It feels like I'm in prison inside my own body. Ok, so I'm not morbidly obese, but it feels that way sometimes....even a little big is too big....right now, I'm a size 16...well, actually, I'm in between sizes, so I'm probably a little bigger than a 16 in some outfits.....for a 5'5 young woman, that's too big...
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So it's an hour later now. I feel better. If I didn't know first hand that a failed attempt to starve yourself could cause you to actually gain weight, I would try. I think it's a safer bet to just eat less, but still try to get in at the least, 2 meals a day. Maybe I can join weight watchers or something......as long as it's for free :) Don't have much money right now.