Rainy days & rainy nights.

Monday, Monday ... it is cloudy outside and in today.  I know that the sunshine will return, it always does.  .feel like I am suffocating today, like I want to get away.  I'm trying to do other things than give in to this urge to flee and hide.  The urge is overwhelming because I went through prolonged verbal abuse from my bf yesterday.  He is an aspie and feels very bad about it but I am stressed and depressed and trying to not follow my instinct to flee.  I made it very clear that verbal abuse is an anger management issue and I am not going to take the blame for his actions, aspie or not.  I am not innocent, I respond very defensively to insults and verbal abuse.  The difference is that I can stop myself.  My bf need to learn how to do this and  not put it in my lap that his lengthy, insulting rages are my fault.  I do have a locked room to retreat into and music to block most of it out unless he turns the breaker off.  He hid my cellphone charger because I said I would call for back-up if he didn't stop raging at me.
 Also, I am trying not to make him feel that I am using "leaving" as a form of punishment because then that triggers him every time I need to leave for personal reasons.  It is all a work in progress, life, relationships, learning, growing, balancing ...
Need to take care of myself, need alone time.  I know the routine:  cry, clean up, jog brain and emotions for positive, creative outlet.  The sunshine always returns after the rain.
It is raining hard today, inside and out.