Racing thoughts (meant to post this last night)
(meant to post this last night)
I have been laying in bed trying to fall asleep, but throughts from my appointments today kept interrupting. So here's how they went....
My Dietitian appt went okay. I didn't do well this week eating even though I felt like I ate a lot. Yes the dinners were good but not the other meals (or lack of meals). She said that I really need to follow my meal plan this week. She doesn't want me to weigth myself iether for one ek. HAH fuck that, like i'll really be able to my ass. She has my weights recorded from her weighing me. She agreed to tell me if my weight goes under a certain number or above a certain number that way I won't worry about gaining too much weight. I don't know if I can do this though- also she said I'm not allowed to exercise yet again.
My appt with my therapist after my dietitian went okay. She said I am def in a different situation than a lot of people that first go to therapy in that I have been with Ed for 9+ years now with no professional help until now. Therefore we are starting at ground zero, 9 years late. FUCK! She said it's going to b e a hard road, but recorvy and seaparting from my ED is possible. She did say that she can't see any easy way in, so we are going to have to keep working at finding my ED's weak poin so we can start disabling it and therefore differentiate myself from ED. Right now she can't find a difference between ED and me because he has been around so long. I have become him. She says i'm very engrossed in the ED(I corrected her by saying mentally but not physically) and she said "that's ED for you". I learned I need to build trust in people as well- I hid things too much and don't show people the real me because I'm scared. Lastly, her job for me is that when we meet next week for me to say when there is seomthing I disagree with or when she says soemthing about ED that makes me mad. Or if I think of anything like that this week to write it down. That way we can hopefully find a way in to start separating from ED.
This is goign to be hard...eek.
I have been laying in bed trying to fall asleep, but throughts from my appointments today kept interrupting. So here's how they went....
My Dietitian appt went okay. I didn't do well this week eating even though I felt like I ate a lot. Yes the dinners were good but not the other meals (or lack of meals). She said that I really need to follow my meal plan this week. She doesn't want me to weigth myself iether for one ek. HAH fuck that, like i'll really be able to my ass. She has my weights recorded from her weighing me. She agreed to tell me if my weight goes under a certain number or above a certain number that way I won't worry about gaining too much weight. I don't know if I can do this though- also she said I'm not allowed to exercise yet again.
My appt with my therapist after my dietitian went okay. She said I am def in a different situation than a lot of people that first go to therapy in that I have been with Ed for 9+ years now with no professional help until now. Therefore we are starting at ground zero, 9 years late. FUCK! She said it's going to b e a hard road, but recorvy and seaparting from my ED is possible. She did say that she can't see any easy way in, so we are going to have to keep working at finding my ED's weak poin so we can start disabling it and therefore differentiate myself from ED. Right now she can't find a difference between ED and me because he has been around so long. I have become him. She says i'm very engrossed in the ED(I corrected her by saying mentally but not physically) and she said "that's ED for you". I learned I need to build trust in people as well- I hid things too much and don't show people the real me because I'm scared. Lastly, her job for me is that when we meet next week for me to say when there is seomthing I disagree with or when she says soemthing about ED that makes me mad. Or if I think of anything like that this week to write it down. That way we can hopefully find a way in to start separating from ED.
This is goign to be hard...eek.
Replies