Racing Thoughts
'Twas a restless nights of unremembered working dreams. I woke with my thoughts racing down charity/welfare/community service lines. The racing thoughts make me believe the dreams were working through the psycho snot knots of that complex weave, and a complex weave it is, all the way from the old world family business ethics which crashed and burned in the 1960's to international mission work to 3rd generation welfare nulls in my birth family tree to the current legal maneuverings of my departed son's in-laws. Where's my neon soap box and uber-power megaphone? Why am I buying houses for orphaned GKs when I could be buying the platform for my Important Messaging?
Breathing. . .
As I work to calm the internal ruckus, the quiet voice is reminding me of the LFL (Long Fucking List) of farm chores which have been neglected during this upheaval, as well as the LFL of rennovation/development projects which simultaneously came to a screeching halt. Time to shift the focus?
I am pleased to the point of risking the sin of pride over the results of leaving the old house mostly intact while establishing the kid layers in the new house. A Bluebloods quote I am especially fond of is, "Life should be a series of daring adventures launched from a secure base." This old house is the secure base from which this daring adventure was launched. We are praying the new house will be the secure base from which 3 orphans will launch their next daring adventures. Just praying. . . The house is but our humble guess at an appropriate offering. Letting God lead The Dance. Uncovering the layers of the 2 geezer base beneath the more recent add-ons has given us moments of feeling like our feet are once more on solid ground and reminders that we *chose* each other's company when the demands of life made drifting away both easy and natural.
Again I wish for the rapid cycling icon while I settle for the median. Am I sane yet?
Replies
Hugs Arfie, and support!
Deep breaths.
Go easy Arfie. I think the New Year heightens a lot of sense of things. Try to enjoy the money a little bit. Peace.
Enjoy money? With my survival skills, I can barely elevate money to a necessary evil. Even there, more money than I actually need is only shark and/or jackal bait. 2 legged jackals and sharks are not my preferred company.
Or was that a typo on the advice to enjoy the moment? ? ? I'll take that as wisdom which can brighten any day.
And going down that very path, I am chilling in the big house and looking for points of appreciation. I remain uncertain on what the future may hold, but I am content with my offering toward a specific possibility in the chaos. Prayers ongoing. . .
sorry that was AUTO-Correct - MEANT TO WRITE "MOMENT!!" sorry!
I hate that my cell phone does that
Gentle hug Arf and more deep breaths..... I hope that 2020 can bring you some peace....xo
Sending over lots of supportive New Years hugs!
I still believe that spiritual entities can manipulate our electrical pulses, such as the ones found in our e-toys, far more easily than they can manipulate most physical phenomena. I can wax philosophical over the reminder that money is just dirty paper representing a cultural delusion while thanking you for the much needed wisdom, Mark.
Thank you all for the support and encouragement. What a long, strange trip it's been. . .
Your Bluebloods quote caught my eye today, arfie. It's a corny show, but it's one of my guilty pleasures. You wrote: "Life should be a series of daring adventures launched from a secure base." Trying to live up to that with DS PTSD here as my base and the adventure being retirement a year and a half from now in Mexico, so thanks for that quote. Praying with you that the new house will be a base for the grand kids' adventures ahead.
All entertainment is corny in the Arf diet, but corn can be a tasty addition to balanced nutrition. I doesn't feel a need for guilt in the pleasure, even when I over-do it. I don't worry the balance until the indulgence is more habit than pleasure.
May your retirement planning mission continue to be adventurous, Muji. I'm certainly looking forward to the updates.
FWIW: The character quote was from Tom Selleck's departed wife while he was easing Erin's anxiety over her daughter's coming of age.