Racing the horizon
This time of night arrives; between one and three in the morning, and I find myself fighting to push time forward however I can. I don't get depressed per se, I don't get lonely either, what I get is this feeling of unbearable hopelessness. I feel as if the entire world has frozen over in an instant, and no matter how I struggle against the ice, I will find myself slowly running out of energy and failing. This is a recent thing for me, I used to love this time of night. But in those times, I had people and activities to make me love the night. Life progressed and so did the people in mine, but I was forced into a rut that stopped the progression for me for a long time. By the time I had worked out of the rut I had been run over by all those moving past me, and getting started after such pain is difficult to say the least.
I i look at my situation in these times, and for reasons beyond my control, I see a bleak and unfortunate pitfall anytime I would try to move on. Darkness fills the sky at this time of night, blinding all but the most attune creatures. My life has been lived in the shadows of others, walking in the shadows of those who came before me, hiding in the night to avoid the accusations of those who walk during the daytime. And this helped me realize that when I look up at the northeastern sky, I see it. A glimmer of light, this early in the morning I see an ever growing twilight, a hope for improvement. I only pray I have the strength to hold on until the glimmer becomes a shining ray.
I i look at my situation in these times, and for reasons beyond my control, I see a bleak and unfortunate pitfall anytime I would try to move on. Darkness fills the sky at this time of night, blinding all but the most attune creatures. My life has been lived in the shadows of others, walking in the shadows of those who came before me, hiding in the night to avoid the accusations of those who walk during the daytime. And this helped me realize that when I look up at the northeastern sky, I see it. A glimmer of light, this early in the morning I see an ever growing twilight, a hope for improvement. I only pray I have the strength to hold on until the glimmer becomes a shining ray.
Replies
I am sorry I was not there for you last night. I saw you online and wanted to say hi but had a huge migraine. I kept hoping the migraine would lift and i knew that i could not add to any type of intelligent conversation. A lot of dead air would have been there or i deffinately would not have been able to type.
But as far as what you wrote my dear friend, I feel I could have wrote this too last night and the night before that and the night before that and so on and so on........ I word for word feel just like you do and if this is any help at all to you, just to know that someone else feels this way at this time of night, it is me. I felt this way last night , was up all night. You know that i understand things about health that we share and it makes it so much harder when others can not relate but you know i do and i don\'t like knowing you feel this way. It is painful and i hope to make a better effort to reach out to you more as i slowly settle into my new lifestyle.
You have been there for me whenever i needed you and i thank you for being a good friend.......You are a treasure:)
thanx for sharing.
Hugs....all of us in chronic pain go thru this. There is hope...Is. 33:24 says one day noone will say I am sick.