quite frankly

I came home from this morning's deliveries which were all over LA.

I left my place at 350am to get an early start since my stops were

far away...I got home at 650am. Got a coffee and now I'm home.

My mind was badgering me while driving. Wish I could have

a better experience - had some anxiety too that I had made some

mistakes since it was so early - I may have been a bit foggy.

I was thinking about my therapist along the way too - she's been helping

me a great deal - just this past time we started to talk about a person in my life

who was a major person in my life. 

And now I am home - and I am just kind of lonely. I can't rely on my parents

or siblings - Even Blue here I played with - but it's like I feel very alone -

and kind of whimpering...

What's helping me though is remembering something that helps me

remember to be both self responsible and self soothing in a sense.

I realize the super structures we have in our lives... all the order of keeping

a home - and taking care of what we need to care after - meals and chores -  community and

so on - it helps be like a fulcrum for you to keep on keeping on - even when

you're not feeling so great or 100% - at least you keep doing your work

and keep the workings of life going.

Sharing this here helps - now I am going to organize the apartment 

a little bit. Peace!