Questions, part 2

I have to let off a load.  I have taken most of this week off from work to help get my head on straight.  All of my co-workers have been supportive in my decision to do so.  I've been trying to keep myself occupied, not thinking whole-heartedly about the affair.  But days like today make that impossible.   Yesterday, I had compiled a list of questions that I intend to ask my H about the A, some very deep questions and some detail oriented.  One of those questions was whether he feels threatened that I may try to take out revenge by having an affair myself.  (The answer is a definite no!)  I wasn't 100% positive of when I intended to ask these questions, just knowing that it would be soon, and hopefully propelling me into a good night's sleep instead of filling my nightmares with the unknown. Today, I decided to make him a nice lunch and get dressed up really pretty and take his lunch to work, knowing that it's not something I normally do. To my surprise, instead of commenting on how nice I looked, or thanking me for the lunch, he automatically asked me who I was getting dressed up for.  I said for him, but he didn't seem to believe it, making snide comments about looking pretty for the other guys around town and his co-workers.   That's when i decided that tonight will be the night I ask him my list of questions, including the one mentioned above.  I am hoping that my free-flowing honesty between the both of us, both of our fears can be alayed.    I am nervous--some of these questions I do fear the answers to.  But I fear the unknown even  more.  I know that many women would not want to know all the answers, but that's not my nature.  I have to know.  It is one of my steps to healing, to moving past it, to rebuild.  To break down the walls.   I have to know exactly how the A was initiated, how it ended, how many times and where did they make love, where did they share their first kiss, what was the context of their late night phone conversations, give me some examples of the text messages, where did he take her, what gifts did he buy her... And maybe more importantly, did he ever at anytime feel guilty or worry about the repercussions, what does he intend on telling our kids when they are grown and facing infidelity, did he ever picture her as a step-mother to our children, did he ever consider getting her pregnant and that another woman could be carrying his child and producing a half-sibling for our children... There are many more questions.  I've actually compiled 50, so it's doubtful we will cover them all tonight.   Pray for me.