Questions over being at this new monastery for me
I talked to my Dad last night. He seems to want emotional closeness but then is very much of the perspective that 'I am on my own' with this decision. He says you can do anything I want and when he said this I thought no not true for the pragmatics.
But maybe this 'being alone in my experience' theme I can start to see that whatever makes my experience valuable in life is what keeps me going. I was feeling invisible and an idiosyncratic, player of no achievement and yet then the sharing of my experiences made me feel like life is worth living.
Maybe that’s just the reality of life? That we each must find sustenance and inspiration, much like Mary Louise's post gave me.
it's real important to find what keeps me 'keep on keeping on.'
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one pattern i hold as proof that god has a sense of humor is giving family lives to lone strangers like myself and bachelor lives to hopeless romantics. is god making fun of us with that pattern or just teaching us life lessons? possibly both. learning can be fun.
you're alone when you come in this world
you're alone when you go
and it doesn't matter who you are
it doesn't matter who you know
keep on listening for that quiet voice
that's the way it starts
the door is open but you have a choice
you've got to open up your heart ~randy newman (heaven is my home)
oklahoma feels like two states to me. the eastern half is great plains. not quite desert, but not far from it. the eastern half is the ouchita (pronounced "wash'-i-ta") mountains, green and lively. whichever half you are in, i hope you'll take some time to visit the other half.
I think it’s real important to value my experience but also to realize that life is getting serious and I’ll take note of those spaces, where I feel happy and couched in a an affirmative.
Thanks Arfie!!
personally, i believe that not taking life so seriously is a natural result of my experience. the responsibilities i fulfill the best are the ones i complete with a light heart. then we get to the cathartic release of compassionate humor when pompous adults are making life harder than it has to be.
We come at this from different directions.
I think perhaps your dad was saying he can't make this decision for you
I have no doubt if you needed a helping hand for a bit if you choose to leave he'd help
It is a big decision
I think goals have timelines
What about putting a time on deciding what you believe is right for you?
6 more months or whatever you think would be right?
Then whatever your decision is you know that you've made a big effort and have decided either it it where you are meant to be or it's not
Marky there is no right or wrong in this
And it's certainly not failing if this isn't for you
Whatever your decision is it's being true to yourself and taking care of you
Huge hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet!
I am sure you will make the best decisions for you.
Thanks Rich!