Questions of the service
it's interesting how I struggle with the services
not because the service changes but because
I change and each day I am like a new person
challenged to find the dogma and routine again.
it has gotten easier to conduct - it really impacts my soul which
is important to note
i feel I am being asked so much to fit my insides into
the exact structure that is presented to me in the text
everything said with great and perfect appreciation and meaning
it is hard - it is painful - and maybe it's not good for me.
I can see how there are some who are more well suited to 'the rules'
and yes they also 'get off' on the walking around in puffery for their
holiness. For some that is all they desire??
I was thinking the other day how we are just human- and concepts
and words can present to ourselves and others in our presence
a sense of perfect or a sense of formality and form - but ultimately
we are just human - we're not perfect creatures - we're individuals
and animals - and that thought helps me with my own variability and
foibles in relationships both personally and professionally.
Ideas, concepts and words might be iconic - and they kind of live their own life -
but people are human
Again I don't know if I am meant for this kind of service -
I am questioning it now because this morning's service really hurt
and yet I don't know if I am meant for anything else. I'm aiming at resolving this issue creatively, healthfully and constructively.
Replies
Big hug sweetie...Maybe when you are away at Christmas it will be a good time to think about it
Not be pushed by others in one direction or another but about what you want for your life
Perhaps take a look at a monestary closer to home if you want
Thanks Janet! x
I can relate. I grew up Catholic and I thought that was my calling and I did everything I thought would make me a good Catholic, even joining the Knights of Columbus at one point but I began asking questions after I got sober back in 2008.....My heart yearned for something different that had more meaning to me....something I could relate too and I threw that question out there hoping someone or something was listening. After that, I did not have to do anything. My path found me. I didn't have to look for it and I have been enormously happy, ever since.
It sounds like your heart is beating to the sound of a different drummer. Ask, and you may not find it but I can guarantee it will find you if you watch for the signs like I did. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to do the things that make you happy. Hugs
Thanks Bob!
I think I am starting to understand things better for me.
‘Man does not live by bread alone’
when my psychotherapy had progressed far enough to get me into a church, a good many of the folks in my inner circle questioned my choosing a church as regimented as the roman catholic church. "hey," i answered, "i'm only testing the waters. it's therapy, not a born again experience."
i went to question, i stayed to confirm. i found great comfort in the consistency. but then. . . i only had to be a parishioner. nobody was asking me to lead the services.
thanks arfie! (((HUG))