Questions and thoughts

Why is he in Philly!?. This is the time I need to be able to see him and talk to him. I need to be able to be open with him and have hard conversations with him...but he's in Philly. Part of me regrets meeting him. He's like the carrot dangling in front of the horse, out of reach, and I'm the horse. He's everything, mostly, that I've wanted and never thought I could have...and he treats me so good. But he's gone. I wasn't even looking for a relationship, and I met him and we hit it off. And now I feel stuck. I love him, and want to be with him; I want to have fun while it lasts, hoping it lasts for a long time (maybe a lifetime), but whether it does or not, I want to fully enjoy him in the now...but he's not here...and he's gone for so long...and the trust I started to build is now being supported by words...how do I know he's not lying to me? How do I know he's not cheating? How do I know he really loves me? I want him, but he's not here. I want to trust him, but he's not here. I want to feel secure, knowing he's a good man and wont hurt me, but he's not here. I got on the website I met him on just to meet and hang with guys - I was clear about that...but I just ended up in a long-distance relationship. I was supposed to use this time to feed my confidence, have fun, learn about dating, and etc...but I ended up in what started out to be a secure relationship, but a week later turned into a long distance one. I've been lied to so much, manipulated, used, hurt, and etc...I don't want him to be just another check on the list. 
I never thought I would find someone like him...I would literally dream up different guys with his qualities...I didn't think I could ever be with someone like him...and I guess I was right. I'm his girlfriend, but I'm not with him...I can't be with him. Plus, he could be a liar...he could be abusive...he could be a cheater...he could just be using me...maybe I was too easy. Maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship.