Questions
After feeling ill most of the day today (which was kind of a reprieve, actually- it took my mind off of the other thoughts that have been festering in my mind!) I took a moment to read another chapter in the book I just started, "NOT JUST FRIENDS." Earlier today while lying in bed, I came to the part where it suggests listing not only the 10 things that you appreciate most in your spouse, but also making a 'wish list' for what they would do for you. As I went to grab the notebook off of the dresser, I noticed on the first few pages some notes that my husband had taken.
Fearing the worst at first, I nearly threw the notebook back down. But the words he wrote caught mey attention. they were notes to the book he has been reading, "After the Affair" by Katie Coston. I was shocked! I'm talking about a man that reads nothing other than tractor and cattle magazines! Yet here he is, not only reading the book, but consciously taking notes on how to repair the damage that has been done.
I know this doesn't mean that the storm is over, that the sun is just over the horizon. But it helped me to see that he is making a conscious effort to steer us toward the sun, no matter how far away it may be.
So when I listed the things about him that I appreciate, that was high on the list--that he is making an effort to make amends, to help us both heal. The other nine on my top ten list was:
1) the way he touches me when I am doing mundane tasks such as cooking or doing dishes. It definetely makes the tedious work much more interesting, and it reminds me of how most of the time he picks up a towel and helps me.
2) His hard working attitude. While many men are just content to come home and sit on the recliner after work, he he goes and goes on this farm until the night has fallen.
3) the bond he's foraged with our kids. My oldest son is most like him, yet he's worked very hard to teach and have fun with our autistic seven-year old son, as well as form a bond with our loud-mouthed, drama queen pre-teen daugher.
4) His smarts. He has worked very hard for his lack of a college education, immersing with self-taught knowledge of technical things and subjects only taught in grad school that can put a college eduacated, straight-A nerd like myself to shame.
5) The way he now holds my hand in public, like he did this past weekend at our son's football game as we walked across the field in front of everyone, or how he's started sending me several text messages during the day (which he used to never do), reminding me of how special I am to him. (I've checked the cell phone bill--I am the only woman he is now texting!)
6) The protector--he physically serves as the protector for our family, ensuring no harm for myself and our kids. I have doubt that if an intruder were to break into our home, they'd find a .22 in the ass!
7) The way he helps when I am either sick or overwhelmed, as he demonstrated today, making sure that the kids were well taken care of, even talking them out with him so I could get some much needed rest, and cooking lunch and dinner today.
8) His desire to help others in need. When his sister's husband died two years ago, he was there with her every step of the way, and up to this day, he's stepped in as a father-figure for her 3 young kids and is always there to help her with repairs needed on her car or house. His other sister's marriage ended because of an abusive husband, and he was always there to protect her and provide her safe harbor. I think about the drug-addict he took on a few years ago, helping him find a job and getting him to his job everyday. Or the immeasurable comfort he provided me when I lost my grandmother. Or all of the guys he's gone out of his way for to give a ride to work, never requesting anything in return. I can think of many more of his ants of kindness towards myself and others that I don't have the room for tonight.
Also following the advice from my book, I made a list of questions specific to the affair that I intend to ask him about very soon. I am planning to send the kids to grandma's for an evening so him and I can talk about this without fear of our kids overhearing. But both of us need to do it at a time when our tempers are leveled, and we can speak without reservations.
Which means I may have to say "goosefraba" alot!
But I think I am prepared to hear the answers, no matter how badly they hurt.
Fearing the worst at first, I nearly threw the notebook back down. But the words he wrote caught mey attention. they were notes to the book he has been reading, "After the Affair" by Katie Coston. I was shocked! I'm talking about a man that reads nothing other than tractor and cattle magazines! Yet here he is, not only reading the book, but consciously taking notes on how to repair the damage that has been done.
I know this doesn't mean that the storm is over, that the sun is just over the horizon. But it helped me to see that he is making a conscious effort to steer us toward the sun, no matter how far away it may be.
So when I listed the things about him that I appreciate, that was high on the list--that he is making an effort to make amends, to help us both heal. The other nine on my top ten list was:
1) the way he touches me when I am doing mundane tasks such as cooking or doing dishes. It definetely makes the tedious work much more interesting, and it reminds me of how most of the time he picks up a towel and helps me.
2) His hard working attitude. While many men are just content to come home and sit on the recliner after work, he he goes and goes on this farm until the night has fallen.
3) the bond he's foraged with our kids. My oldest son is most like him, yet he's worked very hard to teach and have fun with our autistic seven-year old son, as well as form a bond with our loud-mouthed, drama queen pre-teen daugher.
4) His smarts. He has worked very hard for his lack of a college education, immersing with self-taught knowledge of technical things and subjects only taught in grad school that can put a college eduacated, straight-A nerd like myself to shame.
5) The way he now holds my hand in public, like he did this past weekend at our son's football game as we walked across the field in front of everyone, or how he's started sending me several text messages during the day (which he used to never do), reminding me of how special I am to him. (I've checked the cell phone bill--I am the only woman he is now texting!)
6) The protector--he physically serves as the protector for our family, ensuring no harm for myself and our kids. I have doubt that if an intruder were to break into our home, they'd find a .22 in the ass!
7) The way he helps when I am either sick or overwhelmed, as he demonstrated today, making sure that the kids were well taken care of, even talking them out with him so I could get some much needed rest, and cooking lunch and dinner today.
8) His desire to help others in need. When his sister's husband died two years ago, he was there with her every step of the way, and up to this day, he's stepped in as a father-figure for her 3 young kids and is always there to help her with repairs needed on her car or house. His other sister's marriage ended because of an abusive husband, and he was always there to protect her and provide her safe harbor. I think about the drug-addict he took on a few years ago, helping him find a job and getting him to his job everyday. Or the immeasurable comfort he provided me when I lost my grandmother. Or all of the guys he's gone out of his way for to give a ride to work, never requesting anything in return. I can think of many more of his ants of kindness towards myself and others that I don't have the room for tonight.
Also following the advice from my book, I made a list of questions specific to the affair that I intend to ask him about very soon. I am planning to send the kids to grandma's for an evening so him and I can talk about this without fear of our kids overhearing. But both of us need to do it at a time when our tempers are leveled, and we can speak without reservations.
Which means I may have to say "goosefraba" alot!
But I think I am prepared to hear the answers, no matter how badly they hurt.
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