Quality vs Quantity

My husband lived only 59 years.  My father is alive at 82.  One never knows how long we have, but it got me to thinking.  Which is better:  59 good years or 82 years with the last years being sick?
 
I think my father is in the first stages of Alzehimers.  If this happened to me, I wouldn't want to continue on.  I'd perefer to go early like my DH.  He had an anuerysm.  He never knew he had one so he lived a full life, enjoying the things he wanted to enjoy.  He didn't spend his life with the uncertainty of disease.  he didn't spend his life running back and forwards to the hospital.  The pain of losing him at such a young age is terrible for me and the people who love him.  I hate it everyday, but from my husband's prospective, it is different.  We both belive in everlasting life.  He transitioned to Heaven right away.  There, he is happy, having never to suffer the fate that faces my father. And the memory he left is daughter is one of loving, not the constant battle and depression that  I face on a daily bases.
 
Hands down, for myself, I chose quality.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

No question about it. The truth that I have learned since I lost my wife is that there are things worse than dying. She was also 59. In my memory she will always be healthy, vibrant, and beautiful. She was never have to face the ravages of time. It scares me that I may have to face them without her. I think most of us would choose quality every time.
DianeMTB
DianeMTB

Are you going to get your dad checked out to confirm it? Alzheimers is a horrible thing for you and the rest of the family to live through. What are you going to do? Are you going to find somewhere else to live? You have to get yourself together before looking after your own dad. Put yourself number one and it is not selfish. If you look after yourself, then and only then are you better equiped to look after other people in your life. Take it easy and take care of yourself from Diane
Lininsocal
Lininsocal

What we thought was Alzehimers causing my father\'s irratic behavior, mood swings, awful comments and forgetfullness was actually two small cancerous tumors in his brain. Recommended was radiation which wouldn\'t have given him much more time. My father was 84 when he died and for 81 of those years he had good health, rode bikes, was a ham radio operator and loved a good debate. The signs came on gradually. Men hide their illnesses until they become crucial. He had headaches he never admitted to. This is not to say this is what is happening to your father but a doctor visit could save you much misery. It can also relieve you of the fear of this being your fate. When you live in the misery you have taken on for yourself, it is hard to see what happiness there is to live in life. Even after our loss, there is life after, given time.
I wish you only the best with your father. You knew this would be a difficult labor of love. Do what you can to make it as good as possible.
Linda
ricebells
ricebells

l,m with you on this give me quality everytime,Frank also felt this way,but he suffered for 16 months,but he never wanted to live to be an old man,so he got his wish.My mother is 91,hates life,she is just waiting to leave this earth to join my dad.
Alice
deleted_user
deleted_user

Even though I lost my Buddy to cancer her didn\'t show the rages of it until the last two months...we had a year and half knowing he was terminal...and having battled Hep C for many years we lived life and traveled and did as much as our jobs and cash flow would allow. I have told all my friends don\'t wait until you retire to travel and enjoy life because you may never make it to retirement...my husband was also 59...and as much as I miss him every day..I also would take quality...I have a Mother in a nursing home that will be 88 next month that does have Alzhiemers and I really don\'t want to end up like her..it is so sad and hard to visit her...hugs Ellen
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi,
You are so right. My husband had so much pain from bone cancer and it that enough he had to go my cancer treatments. I\'m so with you about having the good years. Yes it may be harder on those who loss a love one quickly but for the person it is quick.
Malia
deleted_user
deleted_user

After watching my grandmother loose her mind to Alzheimer, and then my mom going quickly, yes, I would DEFINITELY prefer to go quickly rather than suffer a long drawn out illness. And KNOWING that I\'m loosing my mind (Alzheimer), would be even worse... I just pray it doesn\'t happen to any of us, but at this point, I\'m not sure I would recognize it for what it is if it did... The symptoms mirror grief symptoms...
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe

I\'m not sure if this is good or bad, but BOTH sides of my family have a history of longevity. I\'m talking 90\'s and 100\'s here. Oh boy. I\'m reminded of one of my customers, who says, in answer to how are you doing today, says, \"I\'m still vertical\". He told me when he hits 80 (which he just did), he\'s coasting from here on in. At 54, I\'m struggling with what to do next week, never mind the next 40 years. Yeah, definitely give me quality over quantity.
Joely
Joely

Quality over quantity -- every time. That isn\'t always possibly though. My husband died at 58. He was healthy, happy, strong all his life....until cardiac arrest took him from us. He always said he wanted to go that way, and he did. His dad was in and out of hospitals with several different ailments for several years. Joe always hated that hospitals took away a person\'s dignity --his words. Joe would NOT have been a good patient. So, in that way, how he went was the best for him. I\'m glad that I didn\'t have to see him in pain and agony over a terminal illness.

Having said that, I hate that I didn\'t get to tell him goodbye one last time and that I love him once more. Although, I did lean down right next to his ear and tell him I loved him after we turned him over and he was still breathing in a very labored way for a few seconds. I have no idea if he heard me, because the Dr said he was gone by the time he hit the floor. Joe always dreaded getting old and decrepit as he would say, so, he didn\'t.

He went as he wanted, quickly, It certainly did shock everybody, family and friends alike. All I can say is I miss him and it has been extremely hard.

Now, your dad, please get him checked out--even if he doesn\'t want to go to Dr.

Bless you, Joely
Joely
Joely

I see I wrote \"possibly\" instead of possible. Oh, well! LOL