pursuing our pursuits
It's a beautiful day, I am determined.
I seem to seek out an objefctive aspect to my life (as I have said before)
rather than go for the subjective fulfilling aspect of life. I seem to get lost somehow in
those questions.
This duality seems to be a set of questions I focus on - and I don't pursue
much more thought to it than the peaceful resolution of quieting my nervousness or anxiety over one or
the other.
But maybe I should or could think about an objectivity - as a benchmark and then just
'follow that field' of the objective pleasurable - and make that my life's pursuit.
Replies
as a kid I remember finding things that I liked and then for showing any kind of originality or individuality I would be excoriated
or ripped by my siblings. I learned I had to hide myself - or maybe mostly abandon what I liked.
This was my error to give up my pursuits. I have had to eventually learn that these passionate pursuits would
also lead to survival, something I couldn't add two and two - to make sense out of - at the time. Now
I find myself once again seeking out new pursuits - I just have to believe that I can believe in what I plan to do.
sometimes I think I hold on to "What I am supposed to do" as a way to deal with my
nervousness. I think it's probably manifests as a power thing. I don't mean for it to be that
way - but I have a really hard time dealing with holding on to nothing when I am around people.
I try and be respectful of peoples' feelings but in terms of small talk - I don't have that so well in
my repetoir anymore. Time to go get the mail. Here I go! :)