pulling on different resources

I have had a fruitful couple of days...

where I saw how my illness has colored my thoughts to a fear about 'getting out there.'

They were guiding me to keep a sense of control about my life resulting in me

doing very little..I thought emotionally and psychologically to call on different messengers that are available to me

within my mind and body

to bring on calmness in the face of my illusory upsets...so as to reinforce me as I made my way. A better rationality.

I decided to make a small adventure. I ended up researching a dog park close by for a visit with Nina the wonder dog.

And I did that yesterday, took pics and had a pleasant enough time.

I went to work today - and instead of buying into the feelings of negativity that can happen

I pulled on the new and different resources for what to believe and how to find firmament in 

positive focus - rather than where my mind goes.

I left work feeling well enough and positive  - grasping -

and came home. 

 I walked Nina for a good long time. She has to hold it in from 315am to 930a and that's not

easy for her.. She lept with joy when I grabbed the leash! She knew what was coming!! Walkies!!!

Then I came in a made my lunch.

I read a book by David Sedaris for a while...in fact much of the day has been about that..

I want to find something to explore when I am not at work... The art class was kind of boring in truth - when

your talent doesn't come to you the fulfillment leaves as well. Should I stick with it - even though I've a dry spell?

Anyways, so I took Nina for a few walks, read

and fed her a couple times. It's weird how as I am on the calm and rational side of things, I feel like life is

telling me who I am a bit. I don't want to believe it. It's not a great self image... but though it feels real, maybe I can still focus on the positives and maybe self love enough to a inspire sense of adventure.

Even so, as I was reading this afternoon and feeling like I was in intense conversation with the author I found myself

not liking everything about what he had to say, and at the finishing of the book I thought to myself I was glad it

was done with. But I did like some of it... that's something.. and it lingers...

He's a very easy author to read, brave and learning from his logic was

something inspiring to me..kind of helped me be more at ease with myself....