If this helps anyone, thank god
This really helped me, it's an email I sent to my therapist:
sometimes drilling down is the only sense of boundary I have when I am alone...
it's like a stimulation that activates me to move forward..to consciousness -
I realized I was probably tired and so I tried to take a nap -
but then I decided to write about it here to you -
it's like this downward feeling and sense or need of something - is
a bottomless or endless futile in endless self definition or attention - but perhaps in recognizing this
I am realizing how to give it a structure and a sense or reasonability about it.
it used to manifest as weepy forlorn calls out to my family or support group friends
or you - but again I think I am learning to give myself a sense of
reason to it -
an allegory would be as in - I have a box of ice cream sandwiches - why not eat one ? why not eat all of them at one sitting? why not!? but now I have the sights to not be a pig and to set a sense of reason (as in it's junk food and not good for me and it will make me chubbier)
to my mental framing -
thank god - for now.
Replies
i'm loving the ice cream sandwich analogy. methinks i would substitute cigs for ice cream, but the analogy carries. puff puff. . .
oh, for the love of balance. . .
thank god - for always
Thanks Arfie!!
Gmorning Mark.
It sounds like writing writes your way out of going from zero to INTENSITY in two seconds flat. I’m glad your therapist encourages that from you.
I’m in a position of after years of writing and articulating I am trying to do this live in person in spoken word. Bc that’s where the action begins.
(I know you know this - just articulating in context with what you wrote.)
As a fellow “intense” person, and as someone who deals with a lot of “intense” people on a day to day basis, I always think back to 80s fire safety training for kids. Stop Drop and Roll. The visual of humans rolling on the ground to put out a fire that attacked them has helped me visually calm myself down when I do feel that “heat” from an outside source, too.
Of course it also reminds me of when the 80s included tight-rolling your jeans at the cuff and a friend and I adopted Stop Drop and Roll when we had to fix our tight rolls that were coming loose so we could look 80s good. So while it’s good for self-esteem to be concerned with appearances, it can also be a slippery slope when we start thinking of appearances as life-saving emergency techniques to keep up with an image in a more abstract or conceptual sense. That vagueness and superficiality can sometimes overshadow those “hearts of the matter.”
Just my Saturday morning coffee drinking reflections.
And yes- thank god - always.
thanks Nikki!