Psychological Warfare
I’ve gone through a terrible depression over the past 7 years but now, for the first time I’m making positive progress. However, I’m still fighting my mental demons. I have figured out how to avoid falling into a deeply depressed state of mind and I explained how I accomplished this in a previous journal. However, I’m still having trouble with obsessive thoughts that put me there in the first place.
I became obsessed with a family member about 7 years ago. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. That person has not been a part of my life for the last four years but unfortunately she lives inside my head. Now that I have a handle on my bad episodes of depression my goal is to try to lose this obsession. I realize that if I feed the obsession by simply thinking about her the obsession will not go away. Deep inside I keep hoping that we could be close again but that hope is fueling my obsession. Obsession causes anxiety and anxiety causes depression. A therapist told me that once and it makes sense to me.
Whenever the thought of her pops into my head I try to usher it out. It is a little confusing and frustrating. I get frustrated by the fact that those thoughts just keep coming back all day every day from the moment I wake in the morning till bedtime.
I’ve learned a lot about emotions involved with losing someone I used to be close to. I’ve lost friends before, I’ve experienced bad breakups with girlfriends in the past, I’ve lost loved family members when they pass away and pets too but this is a very different and strange situation. Nothing has ever torn me apart emotionally as much as losing someone who used to be like a daughter and close friend to me. I haven’t really lost her, it’s just that she refuses to have anything to do with me. It’s actually a good thing because if she did, I’d never get over this obsession.
I’ve learned that when someone you are close to suddenly severs the relationship the best thing to do is just try to accept it. Give that person their freedom. Continue to love that person. The worst thing to do is get angry and feel hatred for them. That causes so many horrible emotions. I hope I can figure out how to break this obsession
I became obsessed with a family member about 7 years ago. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. That person has not been a part of my life for the last four years but unfortunately she lives inside my head. Now that I have a handle on my bad episodes of depression my goal is to try to lose this obsession. I realize that if I feed the obsession by simply thinking about her the obsession will not go away. Deep inside I keep hoping that we could be close again but that hope is fueling my obsession. Obsession causes anxiety and anxiety causes depression. A therapist told me that once and it makes sense to me.
Whenever the thought of her pops into my head I try to usher it out. It is a little confusing and frustrating. I get frustrated by the fact that those thoughts just keep coming back all day every day from the moment I wake in the morning till bedtime.
I’ve learned a lot about emotions involved with losing someone I used to be close to. I’ve lost friends before, I’ve experienced bad breakups with girlfriends in the past, I’ve lost loved family members when they pass away and pets too but this is a very different and strange situation. Nothing has ever torn me apart emotionally as much as losing someone who used to be like a daughter and close friend to me. I haven’t really lost her, it’s just that she refuses to have anything to do with me. It’s actually a good thing because if she did, I’d never get over this obsession.
I’ve learned that when someone you are close to suddenly severs the relationship the best thing to do is just try to accept it. Give that person their freedom. Continue to love that person. The worst thing to do is get angry and feel hatred for them. That causes so many horrible emotions. I hope I can figure out how to break this obsession
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