proud of me

it's the end of the day. I've come up to my room and played with Blue

and made some tea. I've been thinking about focal points as my modality 

for calm, engagement and perspective. I went to meal prep this afternoon

and my mood was low - just focusing on 'the doing' of the tasks sapped me of my energy.

I persisted but with the love of life I recalled that I need to be self validating.

To proudly beat my own drum - and the work became a breeze - my energy

returned and I thought about it in turn as something I've got to do for all of us. 

I'm even starting to feel kind of proud when I see the food that I've sliced and diced

on the table in it's final form.

Then I went to services. The young priest Sunnivos worked with me, behind

the altar. I have been teaching him to learn how to conduct services.

I was having my own trouble with focusing while we stood side by side.

I decided to just hold the spirit of teacher and the spirit of providing

a service for the church in mind. And then insecurity pecked away

as I watch this young English priest pronounce things so beautifully

and control the cadence of his recitations with great strength of personality.

I looked at him and I wondered....and it came to me that 'he is putting forth something

beautiful' in the way he is talking. Each culture does that I think. The french speak

with great poetic lyric and beauty - and the british apparently do too - it just kind

of put a puzzle together.

I watch him try to put forth a beautiful service and I suddenly became

so proud of him. Like he was my own son. He was trying and so cute like he is my child

and I thought his dad must be so proud of him.