processing situations.

i wasn't sure if i could make it to that all important dental appt.  (permanent installation of bridge & teeth cleaning)

but i huffed and i puffed and i made it.

when i arrived everything was in disarray.  boxes......some packed, some partially packed......signage/artwork in a stack.  office items in odd places....whaaaat?

my gut instinct was right.  but it takes a minute or three to process new situations.  rebecca seemed afronted that i found this  upsetting.  she said, "sorry......but i just found out I have no job as of Monday, i don't have much sympathy for anyone."

And i said, "it is very difficult for you, and i am sorry for your situation.......but it's what we do when times are tough that show our character.  our integrity.  i will pray for you......and ask forgiveness as well.  it takes me a bit to process this whole thing.......and yet every time i came to your office i half expected the doors to be locked with no explanation.  i had nightmares about this concerning this practice.  i hope you can forgive me, i had no intent to offend..... and i hope you can rise to a level of professionalism with me today. 

why didn't anyone call me about this.....tell me my cleaning was cancelled for example.......why isn't the doctor coming to me directly and explaining this?

she said,"he'll be in in a minute......"  she put the paper bib around my neck now that i was seated......i moved forward to get a muscle relaxer to help aid in the process of the appt.  he came in...sat down and did not address a thing.  again it was up to me to ask what was going on.  and he said,"what do  you mean?"

i said, "do you really mean that i have to be the one to address the boxes, the lack of a call concerning my dental cleaning......that i need more information concerning this bridge? how long it will last?  how to care for it?  that i have a one year warranty on this work and you're not speaking to that issue?

he only answered questions about the bridge so i had to press him further......finally he said, "i have decided to work for a dental practice, two different locations and not carry the weight of running the office, being in charge of staff."

he put in the bridge, never volunteered any thing else about anything concerning me.......rebecca put a red sticky note on the front counter that gives the name of the new practice and it's location. (i wonder if this is even true, forgive me but i have oh about zero trust left).

i have nothing in writing, which i also told her was very concerning....yes, i have my original contract.....but it's with a business he just dissolved.......so how good is that contract?  i would feel so much better if he gave me a letter signed by him expressly stating that he will take care of any situation that comes up in the next year.  if i end up going on Judge Judy over this i'll let you know the air date!!!!!! only in America right?!!!!

i truly believe had i cancelled today's appointment i would have gone over there when the phone didn't answer ---- discovered an empty space and received no phone call.  i think something in him responded to the things i said to Courtney on the phone about the many worrisome issues ......and handled me as their official final patient.  but oh dear.......what a mess to walk into.

he didn't have to give me a shot in the roof of my mouth which makes me grateful, the bridge is installed.  he said with proper care and cleaning it should last 7-10 years.  and he gave me some free things one uses to clean the upper part of the bridge where food can get trapped.....but again he only shared this information because i THOUGHT TO ASK.

scares me cause of all the things i maybe should have asked.........what a mess, a terribly upsetting mess.

he is just not good at customer care in the big picture at all.  he runs from it, disengages and calls it ok, good enough.

you would think that someone as smart as he is would have better self awareness, but he is truly clueless......he could have had a thriving practice if he surrounded himself with good staff.  but no.........he wasn't even good enough to do that.

yup, get it all out ruthie bird.  get it all out and let it gooooooooooooooooo.

i dropped off a car load of donations after the appointment.  which i cried during...the appt that is, due to both pain, frustration and worry.....they didn't so much as offer me a kleenex while the tears streamed down my face. 

is the world all about me?  no, never was, never will be.....but the care offered today and all the other times was below par.  pray that this doctor will not subject others to this negative level of care.......and i hope that rebecca will land on her feet.....that she will do well.  i did mention the name of a good dental practice to her and she said she was pretty sure she was changing professions.  at that point the dentist joked that Rebecca was going to become the next donald trump......she offered that she had gotten her realty license & recently become a part of Keller Williams Realty (but that can take months before you make a regular stream of income).......

that makes me think that some part of her knew, she may have already been unhappy doing this type of work, but some part of her gut had to know.  i mean i was just their patient and i sensed the walls were about to tumble down.......

can you believe this doctor didn't bother to give them a longer notice?  a whole two days........what a mess.  ....and there she was packing it all up alongside him.......it was awful.  that doctor is in denial to such a level that it really is scary.

i've gone through a lot of stuff.......scary big life stuff and have not treated people the way I was treated today.  i tried to aim for higher ground........with a thoroughly shaken up rebecca and with this scatterbrained dentist......IT IS HARD to treat PEOPLE WELL when they don't aim at treating you as well as they can........i suppose that was the test of my character today.  bottom line the guy is a schlemiel.......but not a total creepy hole of a human......yes, i am showing my human anger right here......and i feel sorry that i am....but not enough to erase it.

he did install the bridge so that part is done.  sorry.........this whole thing messed me up today. 

i'll get past it......i went for a walk afterwards at a design shop filled with pretty things.......got two strands of natural unpicked cotton to put in my tall pretty red bottle.  not strands........what do you call them?  sticks?  nuh yh.....sigh. no clue at present.  saw so many lovely items and ideas......they have a lot of emphasis on shabby chic, farm house design, antiques, beach cottage ideas........there was this gigantic coffee table built on metal black boxy legs that was sooooo cool. wouldn't fit in my house.......soooo big, but it was a beaut!  they wanted $675 for it.......yikes!  if i ever had a table like that it would have to be half the length with different legs, but the overall effect was gorgeous.....to me anyway! 

i have made changes to my "kitchen office wall"......put the wooden file cabinet in the garage by the door.  this cost me a huge bruise on my left leg......all my fault, i moved it with the drawer side heading straight for my legs......i put the "IDI!" in IDIOT!  didn't think to even tape them shut even though the big tape gun was sitting RIGHT THERE!  owwwwwww. so dumb.

i put one small bookcase in the garage.....the other one on the left hand corner of the kitchen office wall.  it is a medium green....three shelves on little legs.....very cute....the top has a lot of places where the paint is MIA.  in the middle of this wall sits the metal topped old farmhouse table....with a haphazardly painted red wooden support & legs.  (which is where i am sitting right now in my big comfy office chair)...to the right sits a metal light gray piece that holds three brown rattan two handled baskets.  this piece holds office supplies, cards, etc)  hides the clutter. 

all three pieces need painting, but what color?  i want the finished products to not be all matchy matchy......aka monochromatic......

but to go well together in a fun vintage way.......i want them to have a soft sheen......so a little bit shiny, not as chalky as chalk paint.  but i like the chalk paint colors for these pieces......however a quart of this paint runs $26 and that's for the colors they are discontinuing..........not sure what the regular price is.  but it's outta my budget.........what to do, what to do?!?!

IF I knew how to take pics with my phone, knew how to post pics here i would post this area and get some feedback from y'all......

i feel so useless ......and my memory gets worse and worse.  franky i worry about me sometimes.  it's not polarizing worry, just normal worry overall.  .......i saw the prettiest deep red rug for $125......too big for my living room.....pretty sure it is anyway.  another rug in sand, camel, red and light gray 5' by 8" for $115.  but it doesn't really work with that pale blue chair of mine.......here's the deal --- i have a birthday coming up and want to have an answer ready if the kids should ask..........and my daughter's birthday is next month so i want ideas for her.........i saw a really handsome camel colored sofa......soooo soft and comfy, oh my goodness......it screams NAP ON ME PLEASE.........it's only $275.  Sam may not like the idea of a used sofa, but for that price....it's in really great shape, no marks, tears, stains anywhere.........wonder if i could some how get him into that store?  they are open on sunday afternoons as well as monday.....he has those two days off......would love to get sara in there too.....just too look.

it's a fun store to wander through......it's big and has so many little consigned spaces with tons and tons of great design ideas.  they also have an area where they teach people to paint items in a distressed or vintage way.......which i would love to take advantage of.  and they do reupholstery as well.  i have two chairs that need new covers on the seats.........i wonder if i could AFFORD this EVER?  prolly not, but it's still fun to dream.  i saw the cutest little set ....a table and four wooden chairs.....for $225.  the chairs had this really cute tiny flower pattern, very old school.......not all uber fancy dancy old lady style, which is not MY OLD LADY STYLE....lol! 

but in truth all i wanted was the fabric to put on my two chairs.  the fabric i saw at the back of their store is very price intimidating.  i wish i had a pal who could come help me do this project.  easy as it may be i can't figure out how to get those stupid things off the chairs........but sam could and sara could.  something to ask for help with..........

the good news is that almost half of my garage has been reorganized and sorted.  i thought i was gonna die monday night......and all day tuesday......tuesday night i wondered why there aren't any morphine vending machines near me.  as if they would exist anywhere ever.......LOL, but pain makes for odd wishing at times! 

i put on 8 pounds and i am determined to knock it back off........p.s. did i tell you i bought some shoes to wear on my way to heaven?

......i found this to be sweet and funny, but sara??? not so much.  ya gotta find the right audience for comedy........since i'm going to heaven i don't really see why picking out heaven wearing shoes is so strange........ok, a little maybe, but sara actually asked me if i have them marked as such in my closet.......i said NO!  not planning on leaving the station just yet.......but then i went on to admit i also had a dress in my closet to go with the shoes........but i still need the right lady underthings....the dress and shoes are in the LBD division (LBD = LITTLE BLACK DRESS) of it all.....a simple but elegant black sheath & kitten heeled suede pumps......random to share this but we all need a little levity in our lives....erradicate some of the daily grind.  ........at some point i will get a garment bag and finish the "outerwear for heaven plan", but not for a while........and at some point i will have to take on that book/file where you cover the bases for the kids.  about the will, about important papers and other misc things they will need some day.  since i am not a couple i feel a stronger sense about being prepared..........i don't want them in shock and grief and having no clue what to do as well.........i've seen how hard it's been for relatives to lose loved ones.........enough about all this.  i am hungry, off to make an early dinner and then i think curling up in bed sounds just perfect.  and i know how hard it was when my own parents passed.......but i also have a very absurd sense of humor and find all this very funny at times............

if i can resurrect at all tonight maybe i can go to bible study......?  so tired, and yet hopeful. need to be fed by the word.  get some inspiration.....fellowship. time with adults that speak words vs. kitties that speak meow.  hugs, hold on tight, we can do this......we truly can.

alive alive oh in the south

sparrow