Processing...Please Wait

Monday, June 23, 2014
Today I am processing a lot of information and emotions. This isn't a bad thing, but a lot more than I was prepared for. Two weeks ago, my lovely niece Jess (from Philadelphia) called. I had not heard from her for 3 years -- since my youngest grandson got into trouble with the law. There have been many times in the last year or so when I have felt very much alone in the world, and at times, it really got me down. I was having a particularly unsteady period when I said that little prayer again "Heavenly Father, please send me what I need right now." The next day is when Jessie called and I had tears of joy and gratitude in my eyes. She and I have always been very, very close. From the time she was 2 years old, she would come and spend time with me and the now-X at the farm and when she got older, she spent every Christmas break, Easter break and two times spent the entire summer with us. She is definitely "my girl" -- very creative and artistic and a horsewoman to boot. So you can only imagine how excited I was to hear from her.
Jess got a part-time job with IKEA when she was a junior in high school. While she originally aspired to go to culinary arts school, she discovered that she really loved and had a knack for retail and has done quite well for herself with this company. Anyway, the impetus for her call was that she was being sent to Miami for a few weeks to help set up the new IKEA store that is opening there in July. She said, "Come Hell or high water, I'm coming over to Naples to see you when I am in Florida." And I enthusiastically replied "Let me know what day and I'll be waiting at the door!"
She arrived on Saturday a bit before noon and we just kept hugging each other and crying. Oh how I have missed her! and she said the same about me. She also said that she was sick to death of all the "family drama" and doesn't care what anyone else thinks or says, "I love you, Aunt Kathi and I have missed you terribly!" Those words meant the world to me and I can't help but weep when I think of them today. To be loved and missed by someone I have loved her entire life...her call and visit were a prayer answered!
We packed a lot into her two-day visit; went to RiverWalk for lunch, to the City Pier, down on 5th Avenue to window shop and I took her on a driving tour through Port Royal -- that's where all the SERIOUS MONEY lives in this town. We set our alarm clocks for 7:00 a.m. on Sunday morning so we could be out on the beach by 9:00. So by Sunday afternoon, we were happy to just sit in my living room and talk some more.
At one point, I just asked her "Do you still hear from your Uncle Jack anymore?" She said, "He calls or emails every couple of months." And THEN she says, "You know, of course, that he's remarried?" Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. This was totally shocking news. And the fact that he did it A YEAR AGO and I had absolutely no idea really made me shake my head.
I choked back a gasp and then chuckled a little bit and said to Jess, "Who's the lucky woman?" Now, as an aside, last week I talked to my buddy Fay up in Chicago. I had called her to ask her about my nephew John's wedding (X's side of the family) that was in mid-May and to which I didn't receive an invitation (I didn't even get an announcement which really pissed me off -- after all, he's MY NEPHEW, TOO -- but I won't go into all that here). Anyway, Fay ("Oh lucky me" she said) was seated at the reception with my X and some woman that she didn't recognize. She told me that X has absolutely no idea that she and I have maintained contact over the last 7 years, nor does he know that she came down and spent Christmas and New Year's here with me. The thing she DID say was that she was unable to get more than a one or two word response out of him to any of the simply conversational questions she posed to him. NOR did he introduce the woman he was sitting with. I found that very odd -- especially when I think of it now in light of this brand-new knowledge. That Assclown didn't even introduce his new wife as being his NEW WIFE -- Fay said she introduced herself to her and only knew that her name was Gail. Shaking my head again.
But Fay DID say that "She is so much like you -- same build, same bubbly personality, same age. If you two ever met, I would bet that you'd really like each other." She said "I don't think they are married." I had said I knew he was seeing someone the last time he and I spoke which was right before I moved to Naples but had no idea who it was.
Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit -- so NOW I find out, he KNEW he was getting married a year ago in April and he didn't let on. NOT that I needed or wanted that kind of information (and to be honest, I just wanted him to get his stuff and get out of my face because I was tired and irritable that evening). But how do you like those apples? My head is still spinning. This whole scenario is just so typical the X. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I kinda feel sorry for "Gail" -- I'm sure she is clueless as to what that man is really all about.
Jessie said that she and her brother were invited to the wedding and went mainly out of curiosity. They got married way out in the wilds of western Maryland -- Garrett County -- in a tiny little burg called Accident. I knew from another source that "Gail" is Mennonite and it would make sense because there is a pretty big Mennonite community out there. I asked Jess about the wedding and she said it was mostly Gail's family and a couple of people she recognized from the distant past.
So now I'm even more amused. The last I heard, he was attending Mass every single day and now I learn that our "good" Catholic boy who has once again married out of his faith. I laughed and said to Jess, "Well, you know, since he and I weren't married in the Catholic Church, he never considered us married. Like it didn't count. So maybe he's leaving the door open so he can run out again." She concurred and said, "It will be interesting to see how long it lasts." I thought that was pretty insightful for a 28-year old.
I certainly don't wish him any ill will, but I remain in a state of shock. Then coincidentally, a friend of mine from Maryland called last evening to tell me she had been on the street where X lives and now there's a for sale sign in front of his house. When I last spoke to him, he did say he was spending 75% of his time down on the Eastern Shore (where the girlfriend lived), so I'm guessing he has decided to retire and is going to move down there. Whatever. Fine with me. I looked up the listing on Zillow and he is taking an absolute bath on that place. He only bought it back in 2007 and has it listed for way less than he paid. The market is still really sluggish up that way and the house is far from a new one. It has original hardwood floors, but nothing else is updated. Whatever...not my problem.
The other thing that I'm sort of struggling with in the wake of all this information is that I have talked with a number of folks from Maryland over the last year and find it odd that NONE OF THEM even MENTIONED that he had remarried! Did they think I was going to fly up there and kill somebody? Really! I could care less what he's up to anymore -- after all, he's NO LONGER MY PROBLEM -- but it just strikes me as odd. Whatever. People never cease to amaze me and the older I get, the more I am amazed.
I also talked with Jess about my on-going attempt to thaw out the most recent deep-freeze between me and my daughter. Our relationship hasn't been good since she was a headstrong, rebellious teenager. Despite my best efforts and lots of prayer, things haven't really improved much and went from bad to worse during the divorce. Just last week, I mailed a letter to her stating that I love her and miss her and would so much like to have her and the kids in my life. To date, I have heard nothing and am almost afraid to hope to hear anything. Wise Jess is always honest with me, so I wasn't all that surprised when she said, "Aunt Kathi, Jeni is a pain in the ass and a compulsive liar. You might be careful what you wish for." Strong words. Sad, but true. But I continue to pray for reconciliation. In all honesty, while I DO love my daughter, what I really want most is to be able to see my twin grandkids before they finish growing up. They will be 14 in August -- another hard to believe fact -- and I haven't seen much of them since 2005 when divorce landed on my doorstep. So I am waiting and hoping, but preparing myself to hear nothing -- or worse -- receiving a hateful tirade from my daughter. The last time I heard from her was a few weeks before I moved from Maryland and the words in that email were so absolutely hateful, my therapist encouraged me to burn the letter without looking at it again. She said, "Kathi, your daughter is obviously emotionally ill and I don't think there is anything you can do to help her." Again, strong words and unfortunately, very sad, but very true.
After Jess left to drive back to Miami, I drove over to Lisa's for some comfort. She has known me for 37 years. She knows my daughter. She always knows what to say to make me feel better. She KNOWS how difficult it has been to deal with my daughter all these years and the huge gaping wound in my heart that she inflicted and then stabbed me again and again. I am praying hard -- asking Heavenly Father to "give me what I need right now" and to keep me on the path that He wishes me to take. I have no idea where I am going or why. I just have to keep my faith in myself and in God and know that this is my life's Journey and to trust it.
Comments are absolutely expected and welcomed, my friends!