processing and then reality

I've been able to process my feelings here - write about them,

think about them and at times have clarity too. I don't know if what I am going through is an after effect

of the holidays and the coming New Year celebration but I feel as though

I am facing my weaknesses/flaws again, which also seem to be getting the upperhand

in my present being. I say that because I feel like I am being not so well

at self restraint and being sloppy but also I feel like I am seeing that I am able to process things

but then also finding in myself this 'need' which arches over how/what I am doing. I don't know

if that makes sense - I just don't know if therapy is 'good company', or if it is a necessary tool

which helps me stay 'well tuned' and without it (as I have been and will be until Jan.5) I am

not so well tuned. Do we need therapy to as part of keeping well rounded and fit? I'm trying to do without it...

Maybe it's a level of growth here (perhaps as flawed as I feel.)

The long and the short of it is, that I am started to want community so badly

that I am thinking about living in the monastery again - and I think it's 'all about'

just living with others - and refuge.

Perhaps I should also mention that this morning at work, I couldn't motivate so well

to do the work. I did the work but my coworker seemed so perky and fast and I just

wondered what my problem is....I was tired....I think it's probably because I had so many days off for the holiday

and I became so accustomed to living the indulgent life. :)

Anyways, I'll try and shift gears and just get happy/productive tomorrow again (get motivated to work again!!)

Sending peace and good kharma your way...

Peace,

Mark