problems today

I didn't have much to do today. Really nothing at all. Perhaps I should raise 'a flag' in my mind whenever

I have days like this but it is "my weekend" I suppose I might not make that much of it.

I went through a lot of mentalizations today to try and understand and rationalize/reason where I am in life

and what I am doing about it. And perhaps why I get so lost in thought.

The only thing I ended up thinking of doing with my time was to run over to Trader Joe's

and bought some german stollen and a bottle of Prosecco. Not the wisest thing to do. It affected my mood

and I have been sitting here watching Television just wasting the day away. I tried to go to the animal shelter but

it's closed for Veteran's Day. So all in all - I didn't have anyone or anything to think about today 'but myself'...

and at those moments I get lost in thought. I had wondered if I would go see a movie - and I did walk to the bakery to get a coffee but the result for today is that I feel just powerless and I've kind of deconstructed my ideas.

I wish I could talk to my therapist. I've kind of pigeon wholed myself today - worrying that I should do more with my life and day. I'm not going to worry about it. It's just an off day. I did learn some things though right now I am feeling kind of depressive. If what I choose to fill my time is food and drink that are sugary and alcoholic, it's maybe not a good remedy or solution for passing the time. I fucking hate this. I won't catastrophize this I just would like better 'go to' solutions for dealing with my time and self. I'll call my therapist and leave a message. Have a great day you guys!

I suppose it's a bad day... there's always tomorrow! ...bet your bottom dollar :)