Problem:trust and fear

ok so now the walls are down and I want them to stay down. But I don't know what to do with the feelings I don't like. FEAR Jealosy Anger Resentment FEAR pain sadness.  I think I should have known these would be a problem, if you drop the walls that protect your heart, that keep you from feeling these things, then you have to go through them. I dont know how to go through them. I used to cope with cutting or drinking. These are not very healthy options I know.  What do people do to deal with these things? The more out of control my emotions are, the less I can talk about them. I HATE feeling jealous. I hate bing a weak minded woman . I never want to be an overlery possessive woman. Now I see myself doing things like checking his cell phone. I want to know where he is. I don't think he ever cheated on me, but I do think he was on the wrong path. I think he's back on the right path, and cheating is far from his mind. So I think it's me. I am the one who is feeling threatened when I don't know where he is or when he's going to come back. Just because he said he was going to be home didnt mean nothing to me. Trust is missing. Yes, I know he is the one who breached the trust. Now what do I do to let him earn it back? I have to trust him in order to regain what was lost and its hard. Now my damned period is here. This really sucks. Just when I need to work with him on trust building, I feel like I'm being crippled by my stupid period.  He shouldnt have gone to Pats house last night. but would it have made any difference if i was another night? There was going to have to be a first night of going out wiht his friends wasn't there. I dont want him to go, I look forward to seeing him right after work and for him to want to go to his friends and not me well that hurts a bit doesnt it . I feel kinda betrayed. I told him I was afraid he would get bored and wander off and he basically proved me right didnt he? Or did he simply have a drink with a friend and come home, preciely like he dsaid he would. He did what he said he was going to do and I couldnt handle it. I went down the spitefull angry road. I dont know how to deal with disappointment and fear and jealousy.Now I feel like I have to make it up to him. How do you do that? i hurt him by not believeing him and being spitefull. I cant make him get past that. So i get the fear that he will just give up on me and shut me out. He says he is ok and he seemed ok this morningbut when he called he sounded different, colder. I may be blind and stupid but I think this would be easier if my period wasnt here.....