Primal Forces at Work Here
I spent another great night with the wife last night, just talking and being in love. I felt a wave of depression looming just over the horizon, but her love, understanding, reassurance, and kind words staved off the inevitable. I was truly thankful for that. I realize that what my wife had was in some grey area between an affair and inappropriate behavior. At the time, we were very sexually open and emotionally disconnected. She didn't love the OM, didn't desire him sexually. She talked with him about sex, usually in third person, and sent some revealing, but not totally distasteful picture. She however loved and desired me, sent herself flowers hoping I would find out and fight for her, did everything she could to get my attention, and I was too wrapped up in work. I need to keep this all in mind, as it seems the longer I go without reassurance, the worse I make things in my mind. I am writing it down here... 1) She wanted me to fight for her. She was alone, lonely. She tried to talk to me, and I didn't take it seriously. She sent herself flowers, I ignored them. She felt alone and depressed, just as I do now. 2) She loved me, not him. She told her friends that she wanted ME to be paying attention to her... that he was the wrong man. 3) She didn't desire him sexually. She desired me. I fulfill her, and her body doesn't lie. We have a wonderful sex life, and it is more than sex... It is an emotional connection that her and I alone share. 4) They were just words she spoke to him, and didn't mean. They were never actions, and never would have been actions. It was someone to talk to. When she felt it got too personal, she broke things off as I verified by the phone logs. We are repeating one of the most pure and primal actions in the universe... something that has occurred since the beginning of time. Our lives together are like the lives of stars... We were once mere molecules of gas floating in a dark void, alone and without purpose. As we came closer together, gravity drew us in. Our many parts became one, and soon we were burning brightly in the vacuum as a single entity, but as all stars do, we burned through our fuel... Those tiny molecules that made us whole became spent. We began desperately collapsing in on ourselves, burning everything we could to stay together, but as stars do, we died. We went supernova... our life together erupting into a great and terrible flash, and then darkness. But in the darkness drift the remnants... tiny molecules of gas left over from our previous life, and they are drawn together in oblivion by the most basic force. As they come together, that attraction becomes stronger, growing exponentially with each contact. Soon the chain reaction will start, and we will burn bright and new.