Pretty down
Well journaling seems to be my outlet so I will continue. I feel like the only place I can really let my feelings out is here. In my everyday life no one understands. Unfortunatly this includes my DH. He said from the start when we saw that second line that this could end in miscarriage. There was no celebration, no "honey we're pregnant" and he insists that he would be excited when I would start to show. I can't live my life like that. And everyone else is sorry but in that way like, "well you told everyone really early"--like they could wait! I know tons of people who told right off the bat (including my SIL and brother who announced it at like 11 DPO) and no one said anything about that. So THEY can celebrate with family and friends for 9 months but I only should get 5? It seems like it should be the other way around if it is a long process! I am just bitter and angry right now. What did I do wrong? I ate well and rested. I payed attention to my body and took HPT's practically every day. I did do some lifting at school a couple weeks ago and we had sex...like 5 days ago. BUt I took prenatals everyday and prayed SO hard.It concerns me that both miscarriages were so sudden. There was no weaning off of symptoms--one day I am pregnant and the next morning its over. Its hard to accept when it happens like that. It wasn't the inevitable brown spotting getting heavier. It was nothing--then clots and bright red hours later. I don't know why but even more than this loss, the diagnosis of recurrent miscarriage really depresses me. What if that means I will always miscarry? I mean its great that I can get fertilized eggs to implant, but the ultimate goal is still not reached. I can't dress my little fertilized eggs and take them to the park with their big brother and sister. And I think that would make a pretty weird looking Christmas card..........haha. Laughter is the best medicine right?.....I don't feel like laughing today though--I feel like going back to bed.
Replies
Im sorry. I also have the great wonderfull diagnosis of recurrent pregnancy loss. I hate it for you. Go back to bed if that what you want. Im sorry your DH is how he is. Mine was not much better. I expect my DH to be different that everyone else but he is not. He is a man and im not sure if because they dont go through any physical loss its not real to them or what. Just know we are hear for you.
I know that there is nothing that can make this feel any better. I am so sorry you have had to go through this. I don\'t think there is anything you did to cause this. It is very hard when your DH can\'t understand. A friend of mine who has gone through IF told absolutely everyone when she got her BFP because she wanted their support no matter WHAT. You are not wrong in telling anyone you want. Is your doctor having you take any tests to see if there is a reason? Are they offering you any thoughts? If not you should advocate for it once you\'ve healed a little. The is a book on Preventing Miscarriage that can tell you what to ask your doctor. Many of the ladies here on DS can also give you an idea. Hoping and praying that the new year brings you joy, peace and fulfills your dreams.
There was nothing wrong with you telling people early... you were happy and excited as you should have been. I waited til I was 8 wks to tell my mom, kids, & my siblings but waited on telling all others.There were people I ended up telling as I went through the m/c because I needed their support.
Don\'t feel like you did anything wrong by being excited and sharing.... hopefully they will realize you need them to offer you support right now, and through the testing and stuff you are going to go through.
Just remember, people who have not experienced difficulty in getting pregnant you have or been through a m/c can not imagine how this affects you heart & soul. It is hard to understand how they don\'t see your loss as the loss of your hopes & dreams for an unborn child... but we just have to take some deep breaths and be thankful we have the women on this site.
Remember, you did not do anything wrong. You did not cause this. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and i hope you find some peace. I\'m really sorry for you. Take it easy.
I hate when the person you most want to celebrate because each positive HPT is a celebration for us, won\'t even acknowledge it. I\'m sorry people are so insensitive, but I think it is absolutely ok for you to share the good times and the bad. This is really hard, but testing is the next step and let\'s get started on that!
Sweety, Im so sorry. (((HUG))) Please dont blame yourself.
I know it is so easy to second guess yourself, but please try not to. What is important right now is getting back in the game and make it your mission to read up and understand more about recurrent miscarriages, google it read about it, learn about diet and natural remedies that can help improve your chances. Did you know that Zinc is one of the most important minerals in fertility? It is the building block to the embyro\'s cell division turning into a fetus from conception to week 7, perhaps you need to get more natural Zinc in your diet ( do not take a supplement other than your prenatal) as you can over dose on this as it is not water soluable and does not leave your body naturally. Here is a web site with what you can eat to get more natural zinc.
http://ods.od.nih.gov/FactSheets/Zinc.asp
I just started to do research on my 4 week M/C and came across this info so we can both learn from it!!
I am here if you need to talk. :)
You did Not cause this to happen, Know this. Both my OB and RE told me many many times that it is impossible to cause a m/c (unless someone took a baseball bat to the belly, and even then -truely his words). It has been exactly one year today, and I still think back to everything I did or ate. It is hard not to go over and over the days in your head, but please free yourself from this. I have done a lot of research too and with my OB\'s help have decided to take Lovenox (or Heparin)and baby aspirin next cycle. My OB ordered a panal of blood clotting and immune disorder blood tests. Even though I am not positive for these he is still putting me on blood thinners as to not take any chances. I will tell you what my they told me...You Can get pregnant, that is the first hurdle many women have trouble with, so now we just need to help your body maintain it and we CAN! You will have a full term healthy pregnancy, Believe this. Give yourself time to recover physically and emotionally. I know 2009 is your year.
You should celebrate from the first stick. Men have a harder time showing their feelings. I also think, from experience, they become more worried about you then the pregnancy itself. My DH seemed disconnected, but shared he was only worried about me getting hurt again...so he tried to stay composed and in control. It is hard to read men at times, they are so different from us. This in not a bad or good thing, just different. I have found going for long walks or away can help open up communication to find out what is really going on in their minds. Stay strong and hold each other close. You can always come to us Women if you need the extra support, we have been there.
I am thinking of you and hoping you find answers and healing, and most importantly your dreams coming true in 2009.
I am so sorry for your losses. Men just don\'t understand the pain. I hope you get your baby in 2009.