Pretty busy day, and getting more busy

  This recovery is pretty busy stuff for me now. Really getting into it this time. I know what I want, and I am willing to go for it. i know it won't drop from the sky, and like they say, "How long do you want to stay sick." i've spent a lot of years just running in circles. It's not all been a waste tho. I have learned many things, but I want to do this now for myself. I sit here sometimes and think of the insane, incredible energy that i would devote to fucking myself up. Using just a fraction of that energy can bring about amazing results, and after all, isn't that what we really want. without results we would see no purpose, or use to change or continue our recovery. When I paint, I want to see positive results. I don't care really about the money. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I can use the abilities that God gave me to do something good, and that will make others happy too. i heard before that we should do our recovery just as hard as we lived our addictions. I'm not always so sure about that completly, because I was very hard, and it wore me out extremly to the point that I couldn't think right about anything. but with recovery, I'm finding that I can do a lot without the physical strain. Utilize my time positively. Am I being too lazy. laying around doing nothing, but wishing things would happen. These are things I look at. Sometimes I just feel lazy, but when I move inspite of how I feel about it,  things happen. My life changes a little bit, and I feel good. Recovery is good this time around. I'm enjoying it. I really enjoy my apartment a lot more, because I keep it clean. It's a pleasure to come into. Everything just felt so shit all the time when I was stuck. Just a miserable existance that went nowhere. Most of the time lately I haven't really needed any money. before I was always trying to figure out some scam, or come up with some schem to get money. It never seemed to end. This really is nice. The refridgerater is full. The cupboards are full. Got tonns of catfood, and litter. Everybody's happy, and life is nice. And all I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. Seeking God, and trying to do his will. That is so cool.Thank you Lord.