preparing for my online appointment
After I wrote the last journal post, I went on with the morning of taking
care of little chores, playing with Blue and I thought about my friend who I just saw and thought
too about future changes I want to make in my life.
Maybe I have an all or nothing outlook - maybe the port wine I drank
yesterday when I got home was not the best thing for my mental
health - and is coloring my outlook - but I have been thinking about how to conduct my life forward..
kind of delicate as I am at times - I figured to hold onto the idea that I wanted
to make something out of my day - like a piece of art - and how much inspired I am by my friend
the Abbess - and yet I get lost too - in the moment like I have this morning - I guess I am looking for a solution-
and maybe my life can be multifaceted - rather than a stoic - albeit pleasant
commitment to something contemplative. So perhaps I should just look forward to
a lot of different experiences and stay in awe of the mystery of life - I don't
know how people do it - but maybe it's just my temperament.
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All I know is that the 'in between' times - in between socialization and tasking -
I get lost - I go awestruck and feel powerless - and I guess I wonder if that happens
to others - just contemplating the big picture and the big beyond. Then I lose my place
in life - and I have to rediscover the structure I am reminded of my daily chores - work
and family and friends commitments....I've heard sometimes we all need the song of heart
sung to us when we forget it ourselves.
And maybe you are just a questioner by nature and are taking your questioning talents too seriously? No matter how useful the talent, there are times it is better left in the toolbox. A journeyman knows how to. A Master knows how and when NOT to.
I'll buy the song of heart theory. When people tell me life is not a musical, I offer them ear cleaning products. There's music all around us every minute of every day. Open your heart, my friend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PlgN0ta6E8
thanks arfie!
Is it your sisters wedding weekend? That is something to look forward to, if so!
I tend to keep myself busy enough to keep my mind from wandering and wondering too much, but at the same time I question “am I really fully living life?” And so my trouble becomes disciplining myself to spend time on, say, creative projects that help me explore that side and that question rather than the constant observing I do instead. If I were an action figure, what would be my action? Haha.
I still feel jittery post pandemic. Trying to normalize again. I talked to a sibling today who agreed with that sentiment in his life too.
You are full of wonder, and that’s a good thing to be inquisitive. Maybe look at solutions. How to solve a Rubik’s cube of life. Maybe make some art on that theme. Just a thought.
thanks Nikki!