Preop monster - saying good bye
So.... I've been "attacked " by the preop food monster! He has had a hold of me pretty much ever since the request to the INS company was sent in last Tuesday. Then today, when I got my date, well... then not only did the monster attack again, but with the weirdest emotional roller coaster ride to go with. I have to say up front, I can be a crier :) Not like unhappy tears per say, just cry easily like at hallmark commercials and sappy movies. I finally decided a few years ago it is just who I am :) However, today's tears have been all over the place... I imagine similar to someone getting ready to check into rehab... or maybe kinda like when I divorced my 1st husband. Its like I've been in this relationship with a friend who I could always always always count on to be there for me... always! Thru it all I knew the friend was no good for me.... But I kept going back.... Even with the years of dieting, my old faithful and unhealthy relationship was still there! Having surgery is like cutting the ties to this old friend. I know most of you know exactly what I am taking about. Today has been similar to when I kicked my ex out... I knew he had to go. I knew he was not healthy for me, even abusive. I knew I was better off without him. But after 16 years, it was still very hard to do! Tonight, for my birthday my hubby took me out to dinner (A last splurge of sorts, good or bad, its what it is)... i ate good food and too much of it. Now... it is time to kick it to the curb. Cause my old friend no longer serves my needs. It is a painful yet necessary action. I know what I need now has nothing to do with this destructive relationship. ONLY a foodie would have to do this and only a foodie could begin to understand this relationship.... As I was boobing in the car to my hubby, telling him it was like ending a relationship with a friend I could always count on to be there for me... the dear sweet man says "sweetie, you have me... I'll always be here for you" This is wonderful, and I of course told him so... but then I also realized right then and there, that yeah he would always be there for me,and will always love me no matter what... But now... Now its time for ME to be there for ME and to love ME no matter what! That's what its time for... And time to start focusing on where I want to go, rather than where I've been. ENOUGH with this stupid eating! ENOUGH with this food relationship that is killing me! Tomorrow is a new day... and I am kicking the preop food monster to the friggin curb! Yeah, I'm still gonna cry! Its who I am... But I gotta get a grip and let go! All at the same time :) Love you guys! I really do!
Link to the thread:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gastric_Bypass_Surgery/forum/16809758-preop-food-monster-saying-good
I posted this message on another forum... this is one of the messages I received back! OMG it made me cry my eyes out!
I am new here and I just have to give a huge thank you for your post!!!! My daughter (18) asked me why I seemed apprehensive about the surgery (that now looks like it is actually going to happen) because she knows that its something that I have thought about and wanted for 10 years. I couldn't make her understand my fears for after the surgery. The fears that no one gets...not the I might die fears, not the I might have complications fear......the fear of food no longer being a source of comfort. She just said, "but mom you won't be hungry and you'll feel so much better....so what you're going to be angry because you can't have something?!" I told her I didn't know what to say and I honestly don't know how I'll feel and that it's just something she can't understand. I left the room and got on the computer and came to TT and this was the first post I saw. After I read it I called her into the room and with tears flowing....read it to her. She started crying and said she was sorry and didn't understand and would be there and if I needed to get angry that she would understand and try to help me through it. We then had a family meeting and I let my husband and son read it. I hope it's ok, I have copied it to a document so that I will always have the words when I can't find them myself! Thank you for your honesty and openness!
God Bless!
Sonya
Here is the link to it :)
http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/topic/85490-preop-food-monster-saying-good-bye/#entry962396
Link to the thread:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gastric_Bypass_Surgery/forum/16809758-preop-food-monster-saying-good
I posted this message on another forum... this is one of the messages I received back! OMG it made me cry my eyes out!
I am new here and I just have to give a huge thank you for your post!!!! My daughter (18) asked me why I seemed apprehensive about the surgery (that now looks like it is actually going to happen) because she knows that its something that I have thought about and wanted for 10 years. I couldn't make her understand my fears for after the surgery. The fears that no one gets...not the I might die fears, not the I might have complications fear......the fear of food no longer being a source of comfort. She just said, "but mom you won't be hungry and you'll feel so much better....so what you're going to be angry because you can't have something?!" I told her I didn't know what to say and I honestly don't know how I'll feel and that it's just something she can't understand. I left the room and got on the computer and came to TT and this was the first post I saw. After I read it I called her into the room and with tears flowing....read it to her. She started crying and said she was sorry and didn't understand and would be there and if I needed to get angry that she would understand and try to help me through it. We then had a family meeting and I let my husband and son read it. I hope it's ok, I have copied it to a document so that I will always have the words when I can't find them myself! Thank you for your honesty and openness!
God Bless!
Sonya
Here is the link to it :)
http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/topic/85490-preop-food-monster-saying-good-bye/#entry962396
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