praying for peanuts

Dear Heavenly Father,
Sometimes I am such a peanut.  Small, feel trapped in a shell........in a world isolated from the rhythm of life.  One small peanut.  Insecurity rising to the top.......unlike cream this is not the best part. You created so many wonderful, kind, beautiful people.  Do they ever feel like this when they wake up?  Or in the middle of the night?  Or driving to another endless round of appointments to do something or other......stick, poke, prod..........inject......examine. Trying to take it all in, get so much done and often it feels pointless.  Somebody in Alice's Wonderland used to always say "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.........."  sigh.......
My brother used to have a microscope.  It was so cool.  He would create slides for us to examine.......
Lord you see way beyond the naked eye........you know of the fear, insecurity, separateness, worry I feel.  After time in the world I feel like a first grader's worksheet.  We used to circle the thing that was not like the other, circle the thing that doesn't belong.
Lord......please forgive me for trampling on one of your personal creations.  For you created each of us in your own image ........please help me stop beating myself up - for the nots.  All than I am not, cannot, do not......nots can turn into WORRY KNOTS if we let them. Lord help me refill my cup with can do, can try, can be patient.....can be in support and care of my own tender spirit.  To encourage others to do this in care of themselves.  You created each of us and we are worthy of lifting up, of celebration, of friendship......of inclusion, not exclusion.
I say that as one of your children......flawed, foolish, sometimes feeling defeated by life........other times feeling like my nose is pressed to the glass thinking no one is coming for me.  I know you created me, each step, each day with a purpose.........a life with hope despite challenge.  A life that offers opportunity to encourage others.  Help me see beyond my own foolish hurts........real as they feel, mine and mine alone to carry or hand over to you. 
As small as my life can feel at times Lord, you remind me that I have choices.......I can weep or I can seek better.  I can hold onto the sorrow until it feels like a hard tight knot in my chest.  I can lay it down.......I can poke it, prod it, hold on to it........or I can surrender......raise the white flag.......raise my hands and arms up in the air and give it all to you.......all of me and mine, all of my life. 
Lord please protect me from my weary overwrought thinking..........guide me........send me help and hope until my own navigation system is more grounded.  I am crashing Lord........I carry worries sometimes in places where I could choose to store hope........Lord I am a mess.........a beautiful living breathing mess............a small smile appears through the sadness.........feel better having let out some of the bad air in my thinking.......squaring my shoulders.......sitting a little higher in the saddle than when I started.......Lord, please touch the lives of my dear DS Family of Friends today.  Touch,hold, uplift, surround........soothe, protect......let us feel your love and let us all praise your name.
One small Georgia peanut