Powerless

I don’t know what to do. I spend SO MUCH energy on avoiding my mom. I would give anything if she would just take care of herself. I bite my tongue so much that I’m surprised I still have a tongue. I wake up early, go to bed early, go to bed late, wake up late- and none of it fucking works. I still see her. I still feel her incompetence, her victimhood, her judgmental nature, and the unrelenting amounts of guilt she distributes to anyone that doesn’t completely ignore all the fucked up shit she says. I’m consumed by her. I’m obsessed. What do I do? How do I make it change? I know I need to get out of there but I can’t leave right now. And focusing on her makes me unable to do what I need to in order to leave. It takes so much energy from me. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?