Post Turkey Weekend Blues
Today has been a tough one. My physical symptoms are back with a vengeance and that had me fighting back anxiety all day.
With my officially undiagnosed post-viral issues revolving around the sensation of not being able to breathe, it's easy for sh*t to get away from me and today, it really went to a bad place. I was able to keep myself together enough to not defer to medication and I never slipped into panic, but man, it was emotional at times.
I get so sad when I let my mind go and consider that I could be living with these onset symptoms for the rest of my life. That it could keep me from giving my son 100% of myself. There is so much guilt in not feeling 100% physically sound most of the time. The guilt can lead me to dark places.
Today I was primarily battling w frustration and sadness. My physical issues are plaguing me of livelihood. It wears down on my spirit. It makes me feel sad & not whole. The Covid environment has created hardship in my family. We've had death, illness, disconnect and isolation and it just gets demoralizing at times.
I read from the book of Matthew again tonight. Chapters 18 and 19. Jesus' own words descibe to us that we must be like children; humbled for the Kingdom of Heaven. I took solace in scripture tonight and prayed for a renewed sense of faith going into the week.
I know this soon shall pass; like everything does, but some days, it feels like I am counting the minutes.
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I'm sending you the love, Dbl. I'm so sorry the physical symptoms are back. Add to that I'm sad that the multiple symptoms of the Covid spread have taken health, life, and joy from your immediate family. There is nothing on this earth more important than the well-being of the family. And it could all be blamed on the season and the pandemic at the same time. However, I'm glad (extremely!) that you find comfort in reading scripture; I can't get through the day myself without reading the word of God, for the purpose of inspirational spiritual, and emotional security, I need God's help to get through each day. I'm praying for you.
Could be that you are going through this rush of feelings, all the things that appear to annoy you the most and cause the most tension, only to lengthen your walk with the Lord. Sometimes the Lord is more than one word. I hope for you something wonderful because of it too.
The tone of your words doesn't seem like bitter thoughts. I sense a brave personality in you! Just toss the problems over the bank. YOU got this!!
Remiah, you are too kind.
I can't tell you how much your words mean today. It has been extremely challenging today. I feel like I am holding the dam back from breaking.
Anxiety & depression have been flirting with me all day. I am tapping what little physical strength I have and reminding myself that my thoughts & emotion will only cloud God's promise.
Your insight into a daily walk with God is profound. I have accepted the mysteries we don't understand as part of the plan. I know there is a reason for this path I am on, but have been too short-sighted to consider my battle with physical illness (and the mental affliction it brings with it) may be how he strengthens my faith and my walk.
I too have been trying to read from the Word daily. I've decided to read the Gospel from beginning to end. It now becomes something I hunger for; feeding my spirit daily has become necessity.
I hope you have been safe, well and in good spirit. This world we are in seems practically surreal at times.
It's nice to have this forum to connect. Everything in my life currently has so much disconnect, that this little forum has become a nice reprieve from that.
Thanks for your input and your kind words. They mean a lot.
You are so welcome, Dbl, and we are learning through each other ;-) I'm glad the Lord's word means so much to us. And finding new ways of thinking is what we each do best at this site. I'll be watching for you in the future. I will be away for a few days and possibly back by the end of this week. I hope the best for you and your family on this day. Hugs!