possible trigger...it's weird so be cautious
i think i so distilize my emotions to an universality
because I wasn't allowed to have them as a kid.
I think it was like a second mind that developed
for processing my experience in a safe way
I also think that that tendency lent itself
to a disconnect between my understanding that
everyone has feelings like I did -
and that I was misinterpreting them with a powerfulness
because that is what it took for me to feel brave enough
to express them or even engender a self consciousness
value and respect for them.
I realize I am lonely - but I don't have to mistake the
weariness, that I can feel, for needing to call with total weariness.
I mean I feel it - but I think I understand now that my feelings
can motivate me rather than be my full time preoccupation.
Replies
I don’t know. Maybe that’s bs. It sounds like I think I am a victim. I know I have this churning engine in my head and I know I have learned the very hard lesson of self responsibility and discipline for managing my feelings. I just need to some how connect how to be responsible but not frozen in place in obedience type overt conscientiousness. Sorry guys.
No sorry needed...you are in a new and different place dealing with others you are not use to dealing with so be kind and gentle to yourself and don't be afraid to make mistakes.....That's how we learn. God Bless
Big hug Marky and I concur absolutely no need to be sorry
I'm sorry that you're struggling
Please try and be aware if your health is sliding Mark
I would hate for you to get sick sweetie
I think it's important to talk about how you feel
Mental wellbeing is as important as physical wellbeing IMHO
Thanks Bob and Janet!
"but I think I understand now that my feelings
"can motivate me rather than be my full time preoccupation."
hmmmm. . . i don't care to do the research. but i bet we could find this very line somewhere in my massive collection of therapy journal, right about the time i was building my analogy of feelings as a monitoring system. a smoke alarm going off for burnt toast doesn't need to occupy my entire day. check. reset. done. pay closer attention to the next toast attempt.
but nature's monitoring system is far more subtle and complex than our industrial monitors. my feelings can motivate me in far more adventurous directions than unburnt toast. i believe strongly in, "hunches."
i agree that it is weird to be so cautious, but it's a culture-wide obsession. insurance. safety laws/precautions. preventative medicine. etcetera, etceteri.
to el infierno with having a safe day.
be daring. take a risk.