Possible Trigger

So this post might be triggering to some. Please read only, AND I MEAN ONLY, if you are safe. Reading my dumb journal isn't worth you hurting yourself. I am seriously stressing lately. Where do I start? Hmm... with my egg donor texting me, or could it be my rabbit being sick, or the enormous amount of homework I have been getting lately, or maybe it might just be that my little 15 yr old sister just announced that she is pregnant. Yeah. That might raise your blood pressure a little. Ya think?? She doesn't know what she is going to do yet. I'm not allowed to say anything, but I wish that she would put the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion like she thinks she might. I just don't know what to think. She's so little, immature. And yet, she is going to have a baby unless her pregnancy is terminated. Oh God. My urges are through the roof. They have been high for a long while now, at least a couple of days. Part of me really wants to. That blade from my botany class last quarter, it's so shiny and enticing. I can feel it's pull. It'd be so easy too. No one need know. Except of course the people here on DS. If I just don't cut too deep it doesn't really matter, does it? It isn't any worse than starving myself, which is okay according to my therapist. Who am I kidding? Laura would flip if she read the last sentence of the above paragraph. Starving myself is not okay. Cutting is not okay. Which sucks cause it makes me feel better in the moment. It's like a drug. An emotional pain killer. Like a vicodent for my soul. And I'm addicted to the stuff. I don't know how I'm gonna fight this... ~Tracie xoxox