Possible Trigger
So this post might be triggering to some. Please read only, AND I MEAN ONLY, if you are safe. Reading my dumb journal isn't worth you hurting yourself. I am seriously stressing lately. Where do I start? Hmm... with my egg donor texting me, or could it be my rabbit being sick, or the enormous amount of homework I have been getting lately, or maybe it might just be that my little 15 yr old sister just announced that she is pregnant. Yeah. That might raise your blood pressure a little. Ya think?? She doesn't know what she is going to do yet. I'm not allowed to say anything, but I wish that she would put the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion like she thinks she might. I just don't know what to think. She's so little, immature. And yet, she is going to have a baby unless her pregnancy is terminated. Oh God. My urges are through the roof. They have been high for a long while now, at least a couple of days. Part of me really wants to. That blade from my botany class last quarter, it's so shiny and enticing. I can feel it's pull. It'd be so easy too. No one need know. Except of course the people here on DS. If I just don't cut too deep it doesn't really matter, does it? It isn't any worse than starving myself, which is okay according to my therapist. Who am I kidding? Laura would flip if she read the last sentence of the above paragraph. Starving myself is not okay. Cutting is not okay. Which sucks cause it makes me feel better in the moment. It's like a drug. An emotional pain killer. Like a vicodent for my soul. And I'm addicted to the stuff. I don't know how I'm gonna fight this... ~Tracie xoxox
Replies
wow...you are going through a lot. i\'m praying and thinking about you!!
i agree with you. if she\'s going to have a baby, i\'d put it up for adoption, instead of aborting it. what type of sickness does your rabbit have? can it be cured? and yeah, homework is crazy. just do your best. you can only do so much. try prioritizing (sp?) them. if it\'s a smaller assignment, wait and do that later when the bigger stuff is done. worry more on the ones that have more points or pull of your grade. and your sister....wow. i\'m sorry to hear that she\'s pregnant. take care of her, but also yourself. don\'t keep the feelings inside. vent as much as possible, even if just here on DS. ~socc
wow that\'s crazy about your sister. i personally would have no idea what do do/think.
About the urges. they will pass. And honestly do you think you can stop with just one cut? after 46 days SI free can you just stop with something little? when i answer that for myself it really means a lot, and i donno about you, but i couldn\'t stop with something little.
you\'re so strong and awesome. you can do this!!