porn and masturbation
I have trouble with porn and masturbation. Every since I was first sexually assaulted, I started masturbating, and every since my first semester in college, I started watching porn. I hate it and don't want to watch/do it, but then sometimes I get horny, or oddly, when I think/daydream about getting hurt, I end up watching porn (usually similar to the thought), and sometimes it seems as if I am preparing to see what it looks like in case it happens......it's stupid and weird. Sometimes, I just get horny and want to see porn. But usually, after I masturbate, I don't need to watch anymore and I go back to hating it........so even if I really want to see porn for whatever reason, once I masturbate, I don't need to watch it anymore.
I used to be really addicted to porn. I watched it everyday........I've watched it 3 times this month (the same week) so far, I think......but I was doing good to stop. I'm trying to stop cold turkey. I even made a vow to God that I wouldn't watch it or masturbate anymore.......and at first, all I needed was to put the vow in front of me.....then I put it in my Bible, and I couldn't take it anymore and fell into temptation. I hate porn and masturbation so much! I hate that it has control! If I don't want to watch it, I shouldn't have to fight not to watch it.......what's wrong with me! Why do I have to be so disgusting! I hate it SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :<
I used to be really addicted to porn. I watched it everyday........I've watched it 3 times this month (the same week) so far, I think......but I was doing good to stop. I'm trying to stop cold turkey. I even made a vow to God that I wouldn't watch it or masturbate anymore.......and at first, all I needed was to put the vow in front of me.....then I put it in my Bible, and I couldn't take it anymore and fell into temptation. I hate porn and masturbation so much! I hate that it has control! If I don't want to watch it, I shouldn't have to fight not to watch it.......what's wrong with me! Why do I have to be so disgusting! I hate it SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :<
Replies
i was sexually abuse and i do the same thing
I hate it though. It sometimes feel like I\'m hurting myself all over again.....knowing that others who were sexually abused go through the same thing, kind of helps me to look at it as an unwanted side effect of the trauma (like depression or flash backs). However, I don\'t want to live with this \"side effect.\" I wish I could change.