Points To Ponder
I've just started talking with a lady who is opening my eyes to things I hadn't thought of..
She talked to a therapist about her marriage breaking up and was told of female and male energy, a concept I had never heard of. Under the theory, the lady wants the man to take care of her, to protect her, and to try to meet her needs and she will respect him. By doing so, she can take on a more nurturing role, providing the "heart" of the couple and he will in turn cherish her.
Like I said, this concept is new to me and I know I don't understand the ins and outs of it but from what she told me, by doing all the things I did in my marriage (the majority of the chores,cooking, cleaning,laundry,etc, which I did to make life easier on her and us), the STBX lost respect for me and took advantage of me. Part of it is that I need to become more assertive in my role in a relationship and I can see how that's true, and that's something I'm working on.
It kinda makes sense but I know it would have been easier to understand if I'd have even heard the things that a post brings up. I was blindsided with no communication about her unhappiness in the years and months leading up to the split. It's definitely opened my eyes to a new way of thinking and maybe that will lead to a better and emotionally healthier me..
She talked to a therapist about her marriage breaking up and was told of female and male energy, a concept I had never heard of. Under the theory, the lady wants the man to take care of her, to protect her, and to try to meet her needs and she will respect him. By doing so, she can take on a more nurturing role, providing the "heart" of the couple and he will in turn cherish her.
Like I said, this concept is new to me and I know I don't understand the ins and outs of it but from what she told me, by doing all the things I did in my marriage (the majority of the chores,cooking, cleaning,laundry,etc, which I did to make life easier on her and us), the STBX lost respect for me and took advantage of me. Part of it is that I need to become more assertive in my role in a relationship and I can see how that's true, and that's something I'm working on.
It kinda makes sense but I know it would have been easier to understand if I'd have even heard the things that a post brings up. I was blindsided with no communication about her unhappiness in the years and months leading up to the split. It's definitely opened my eyes to a new way of thinking and maybe that will lead to a better and emotionally healthier me..
Replies
Dear John,
have you ever read the old one...\"men are from mars, women are from venus\"
basically we think differently.
Men want to fix things and women feel things.
Also,
another is......
can\'t think of the author
Act Like a Lady and think like a man.
It is for women but really outlines how women think and
how the differences in each other play out in a relationship.
It really does good to read and try to undertand this stuff that life
throws our way, otherwise we just keep making the same mistakes.
I see it so often,
my ex was all about NOT changing and blaming me for everything.
I wanted so much to communicate and compromise,
but it was both of us who didn\'t do enough
and so another divorce in this world of so many.
I married late and never wanted but one marriage.
I have yet to get involved since now I must first deal with gambling addiction.
I don\'t want to bring that to the table with anyone.
You will grow and learn and became wiser and more ready
and if it is meant to be it will happen.
I never ever went looking for a man in my life and don\'t intend to now.
I just try to put myself out there and for me
being around others and men makes me see them as their true self.
Happy Easter and
the best to you.
John,
That makes sense up to a point...I, personally, have the idea of a man as a protector, someone that I can count on, lean on, and that will be there for me. In return, I\'m the \"nurturer\" I guess. Makes sense, BUT in today\'s world, where women are out working and taking on more \'manly\' duties, such as helping to provide, women not only need help in doing the things you were doing to help with the household, but they deserve the help as well. In my first marriage (spouse died), it was more of a \"when we\'re done with the laundry, we\'ll both be free to....\" whatever we wanted to do. In my last marriage, I did it all. Even when I was working outside the home, I took care of all the household things, the finances, everything. When I stopped working, he even stopped doing things in the yard, so I had that added to do as well. He pretty much lived in a hotel with room service and a call girl. That\'s the way I was beginning to feel. I think women want/need to feel like they have a \"protector\" as such...I see you as being naturally like that. And there\'s nothing sexier than standing side by side, washing and drying dishes together after a good meal :) *And the book \"Act Like a Woman, Think Like A Man\" was written by Steve Harvey. He has a great tv show as well, where he addresses all sorts of things like this!
Have a Happy Easter!
Hugs,
Deb
In my first marriage, we shared the chores pretty evenly but in this one, I did the majority of them while she was either working or napping. I did it to help \"us\" out but maybe I was taken advantage of. I know for at least the last couple of years I sure as hell didn\'t feel respected and I should have addressed it but didn\'t. Live and learn...